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LIPS OF ANGEL
It should have been raining. It almost always rains in the movies when girls get their heart broken. When that young man with a bitter sweet smile and “I’m sorry” eyes shows up on the door steps; telling his sweetheart that he is going off to war or beginning a battle with a fatal disease.
Instead here I am: the blundering heroine of my own crazy film, with a script that seems to have a few gaping holes where all the witty lines are supposed to be. In strange yet familiar country, where old men sat on wooden bench beneath a large tree and predicting how France would perform in the world cup this year. Women shared town gossip and latest fashion as they shopped for groceries and children sucked on lollipops while they played along the street of Nice which is the second-largest city with beautiful rich blue-green sea. It’s known for its popular destination for couples, honeymooners. Listening to my fiance, my husband to be in two weeks time jumble up a bunch of words that eventually translated to “it’s over, we are done” C'est fini, nous avons terminé.
He stops talking and takes a deep shuddering breath and I realize that it’s my cue to talk. What am I suppose to say, thought to myself. “Oh! Ok, Marco, I totally agree with you, I think it’s a great idea to end this relationship that I have put my whole being into for three years. A relationship that caused a drift of hurricane in my family because they believed it won’t work, or should I say that am so relieved that you brought it up first, see ya around and good luck with your life after you made me look like the laughing clown in my community because you made me believe that love overcomes all cultural differences, religion, and color. Instead of listening to my elders who warned me that if I don’t brace and follow the norms to conform and that I needed to reform, if I continued to stray, I am going to start up a storm. This I brushed it’s off because I believed in your sweet words that melted my heart. Somehow, we both knew that we couldn’t make it; after all, what we know about love is different to what we read or watch. We can not be Romeo and Juliet because this is the reality.
After all aren’t you the one who told me ‘Sheryfa, darling its not gonna be easy but really hard. We have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I need you and want you as you are, forever, …..” or was I dreaming when you said those words or was it not you who told me that “no other girl makes you feel this way. All of your sensation, your heart and soul were urging for my touch, and your heart was and always will be mine.’
I was so naive that I blindly believed every word that you uttered and like a fool I fell for it. As I looked into his face with my rheumy eyes all I could see was the handsome face that I feel in love with three years ago. I cleared my throat “Why do you want to end the relationship?” I asked “Because I think you’re getting too hung up on me you know?’’ he replied. I thought you were all I have now after I left all I had back in Morocco. A country that I knew until you came into my life and you turn it up side down! Never have I thought that I will find myself in such a situation. I was carried away by the sweet nights that we spent together even though my culture doesn’t allow us to be intimate with a man before marriage, but I gave up all that just to be with you.
As he was waiting for my answer, as to whether I was going to agree and forget it all, I remembered what I felt when we met and I was glad that he came into my life. It was as if he casted a spell on me. I knew my universe will never be the same, but now here we are, I never thought the same person I loved with all my heart will tear it away as if nothing happened. I asked him to give me a good reason why I should agree to end our relationship. He stood up from the coffee table and without blinking an eye said “Sheryfa, I love you but not the way I love Pierre, my boyfriend.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard, those words cut into my soul like a knife. I asked again “Marco, are you telling me that you are in love with a man?” Just to be sure what I had heard was real. He replied “Yes I am!” A cold shiver runs through my spine. I sat there still and as dead as a door nail. My mind was spinning round; I felt my heart shutter into a million pieces as tears run down my cheek. I found myself in a state that lacks diagnosis and definitely no cure, heart broken.
As I was in a state of dillusionment, a handsome man of average height with black curly hair walked towards our table and hugged Marco. “This is Pierre” Marco finally said. Dumbfounded, I walked out of the coffee house and dashed out running faster than lighting would. I came to a stop near the river, crying all tears out of my system; I sunk my head into the sand for the first time in my life I wished the ground could open up and swallow me. Feeling heart broken, nobody to turn to, how was I to tell my family that the man of my choice over theirs turn out to be …..? Now here I was, shuttered like a leaf during autumn. How could I have been such a fool?
Instead here I am: the blundering heroine of my own crazy film, with a script that seems to have a few gaping holes where all the witty lines are supposed to be. In strange yet familiar country, where old men sat on wooden bench beneath a large tree and predicting how France would perform in the world cup this year. Women shared town gossip and latest fashion as they shopped for groceries and children sucked on lollipops while they played along the street of Nice which is the second-largest city with beautiful rich blue-green sea. It’s known for its popular destination for couples, honeymooners. Listening to my fiance, my husband to be in two weeks time jumble up a bunch of words that eventually translated to “it’s over, we are done” C'est fini, nous avons terminé.
He stops talking and takes a deep shuddering breath and I realize that it’s my cue to talk. What am I suppose to say, thought to myself. “Oh! Ok, Marco, I totally agree with you, I think it’s a great idea to end this relationship that I have put my whole being into for three years. A relationship that caused a drift of hurricane in my family because they believed it won’t work, or should I say that am so relieved that you brought it up first, see ya around and good luck with your life after you made me look like the laughing clown in my community because you made me believe that love overcomes all cultural differences, religion, and color. Instead of listening to my elders who warned me that if I don’t brace and follow the norms to conform and that I needed to reform, if I continued to stray, I am going to start up a storm. This I brushed it’s off because I believed in your sweet words that melted my heart. Somehow, we both knew that we couldn’t make it; after all, what we know about love is different to what we read or watch. We can not be Romeo and Juliet because this is the reality.
After all aren’t you the one who told me ‘Sheryfa, darling its not gonna be easy but really hard. We have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I need you and want you as you are, forever, …..” or was I dreaming when you said those words or was it not you who told me that “no other girl makes you feel this way. All of your sensation, your heart and soul were urging for my touch, and your heart was and always will be mine.’
I was so naive that I blindly believed every word that you uttered and like a fool I fell for it. As I looked into his face with my rheumy eyes all I could see was the handsome face that I feel in love with three years ago. I cleared my throat “Why do you want to end the relationship?” I asked “Because I think you’re getting too hung up on me you know?’’ he replied. I thought you were all I have now after I left all I had back in Morocco. A country that I knew until you came into my life and you turn it up side down! Never have I thought that I will find myself in such a situation. I was carried away by the sweet nights that we spent together even though my culture doesn’t allow us to be intimate with a man before marriage, but I gave up all that just to be with you.
As he was waiting for my answer, as to whether I was going to agree and forget it all, I remembered what I felt when we met and I was glad that he came into my life. It was as if he casted a spell on me. I knew my universe will never be the same, but now here we are, I never thought the same person I loved with all my heart will tear it away as if nothing happened. I asked him to give me a good reason why I should agree to end our relationship. He stood up from the coffee table and without blinking an eye said “Sheryfa, I love you but not the way I love Pierre, my boyfriend.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard, those words cut into my soul like a knife. I asked again “Marco, are you telling me that you are in love with a man?” Just to be sure what I had heard was real. He replied “Yes I am!” A cold shiver runs through my spine. I sat there still and as dead as a door nail. My mind was spinning round; I felt my heart shutter into a million pieces as tears run down my cheek. I found myself in a state that lacks diagnosis and definitely no cure, heart broken.
As I was in a state of dillusionment, a handsome man of average height with black curly hair walked towards our table and hugged Marco. “This is Pierre” Marco finally said. Dumbfounded, I walked out of the coffee house and dashed out running faster than lighting would. I came to a stop near the river, crying all tears out of my system; I sunk my head into the sand for the first time in my life I wished the ground could open up and swallow me. Feeling heart broken, nobody to turn to, how was I to tell my family that the man of my choice over theirs turn out to be …..? Now here I was, shuttered like a leaf during autumn. How could I have been such a fool?
Published 11th Dec 2013
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