Too much

This is too much for me.
Too much pain.
Too much suffering.
Too much to go through.
Nobody understands what I go through.
I have loved and been loved but it is never enough.
Dreaming is the only peace that I get in my mind.
Sleep is the only thing that I want to do all day.....
every day.
Cutting makes the pain and suffering worse.... but with each and every cut I feel better.
Some people judge me based on my looks.
On my personality, and what I do in my free time.
I have been called a whore, but never slept with anyone.
Going out with people sometimes makes it worse for me.
They all think that I have had sex.
It's not true.
I pass notes to guys asking for kisses, hugs, sometimes more.
But when they ask for sex, I tell them no.
I have never given a blow job but some guys want me to give it to them.
Pressuring me is not a easy thing to do.
I refuse to do anything I do not want to do.
Black people threaten me.
With words.
With pain.
To tell the truth some of them scare me to death.
Kissing someone else while in a relationship makes me feel regret.
I don't mean to do it but I'm used to cheating.
The lying makes me hurt more.
Loving you hurts too much.
Your perfect but I am afraid that I am not perfect for you.
Holding me in your arms makes all of the pain go away.
The suffering of losing my dad makes me angry.
I miss him but she is still here.
I wish that it was her that had to leave, not you.
Killing someone might make me feel better.
Blood makes me thirsty for more.
Music makes my mind calm.
Your kisses make me warm.
Cutting my throat will let all of my pain go away.
Mom makes me happier than ever.
Her smile is so amazing to see.
I don't want to lose her.
She would be the death of me.
Suicide I have thought of before.
But the risk of losing you and her, would be too much.
Too much of this pain....
of this suffering.... will be the end of me.
Too much of the laughter in people's hearts will destroy me.
Too much darkness will consume me.
This is too much....
too much.