Retrograde

Her mind is turning into something terrible;
a haze, a disjointed and broken brain.
I reach out to her the only way I can, with
familiar things, and simplicity.
Checkers has been my tool, and I purposefully lose
so she can always feel like she has done well.
This is the way in which I play.
I no longer look to win, just to see her understanding
the game more and more, hoping that I will
be able to in some small way bring her back.

Today was worst then the rest,
her mind seeming to be unable to recognize
one half of the board, as if a stroke had
robbed her of her sight.
For nearly thirty minutes I tried to help her
to understand, to show her there were more
options then she could see.
But I was expecting too much, and in the end
I had to tell her where to move.
She ended up winning, and was much happier.

I found little satisfaction in the game,
my own mind stuck on the terrible period of time
in which I tried desperately to reach her.
And though I must learn to accept small things
like her remembering in sequence,
I know that what I want is a understandable thing
to desire, if not altogether reasonable.

The days pass, her mind gets worse, despite my
best efforts, leaving me alone to ponder the joke,
thinking of all the things I would have asked...

If I had known it would turn out this way.