Spent.

She said her name was Rae.
I would have guessed that on my first or second try.
probably Raelynn or Raelee,
named after her father who drank too much coors.
dark roots, light eyes
sweaty in that way that only girls get.
she looked slick in a half tshirt and a few inches of denim
she was barefoot.
when she climbed in my car, she propped her feet up on the dash and
I flipped the ac a few more notches toward ‘antarctic’
you see, I’m not religious, but any man in the midst of a midlife crisis could find God in between the thighs of a girl with a wild streak a mile long who’s young enough to be his daughter.
but I’m not looking for God and I told her that up front.
she laughed and looked a little confused.
in the moment when she thought I didn’t want her because she wasn’t good enough, I saw her true age,
the age she hides with a mask of smugness and oversexed delusion.
she couldn’t have been more than sixteen and I said as much.
she got a little angry then, jerked her knees against her chest, curled her fingers around the door handle.
I started talking and I didn’t stop til we pulled off on exit 136
I told Rae about my dead wife, my parents, my pill addiction.
I told her that late at night, my heart hurts and swells in my chest
how it feels about ten sizes too big, just a mass of throbbing hurt.
She never said a word, but she was listening.
I handed her a wad of twenties and dropped her off at a truck stop.
I watched her as she walked away, the pads of her feet black and rough.
I wasn’t looking for God, no, I was looking for redemption
and a little bit of company.
i was looking to let someone know that there’s still humanity out there.
There are still people who feel and communicate.
there are still people who don’t drive around looking to damage and hurt and break spirits.
I wiped my eyes on a napkin and glanced up.
a blonde in considerably less clothing than what was decent gave me a little wave.
She’d have to wait,
I was spent.