A Drop of Blood

A drop of blood is equal to ten thousand tears
shed late at night and in toilet cubicles,
silently cried and covered by that smile and a simple
I’m okay.

A drop of blood is equal to a hundred taunting children
in the schoolyard where insults are thrown
and they say as if it were easy,
Get over it.

A drop of blood is equal to two argumentative parents,
who’s screaming words echo through you head
and reinforce the same old, same old
This family is a mistake.

A drop of blood is equal to a thousand skinny models
parading through magazine and through life
emphasizing that only pretty girls are happy so
You’re not good enough.

A drop of blood is equal to 49 kilograms
on the scale as the number decreases
but the mirror doesn’t lie when it screams
Fatty.

A drop of blood is equal to 3 broken bones
in your hand after punching the wall in anger
but still maintaining the excuse
It was an accident.

A drop of blood is equal to five small burns
decorating your thighs in self-loathing
as you come to crave the pain that
Nobody understands.

A drop of blood is equal to one skipped meal,
then another and another until somebody notices
but you brush it off nervously with
I’m not hungry.

A drop of blood is equal to seven repeated no’s
before you give in to the abuse
that’s then relived over and over;
It was my fault.

A drop of blood is equal to 300 calories
intake on a good day and not drawing attention
to how you just push fool around your plate-
I already ate.

A drop of blood is equal to twelve tablets
you took to try kill the monster inside of you
but it didn’t work so now
It has taken over.

A drop of blood is equal to 2 hours exercise
a day while you’re about to faint
but you keep pushing yourself because
No pain, no gain.

A drop of blood is equal to three words
uttered with passion but now just a joke
that you can’t get over because
I trusted her.

A drop of blood is equal to one stolen childhood
robbed of all memories but flashbacks,
the beetroot faces of parents at war that
I’m trying not to hear.

A drop of blood is equal to four new siblings
who won’t stop talking and slowly your voice
fades away in the background- unnoticed,
Unimportant.

A drop of blood is equal to half a bottle of wine
downed to escape this haunted reality
but it only comes back at you while
Struggling to wake up.

A drop of blood is equal to sixty panadol
with the intent to die but you’re found
vomiting your life away, soon in hospital,
Drip in hand.

A drop of blood is equal to two vertical scars
on your wrists- another attempt failed
with lasting reminders of your
Failure.

A drop of blood is equal to two years
of torturous depression with no way out
and a wave of questions and doctors but
Nothing works.

Each drop of blood adds up
and now I’m swimming in despair,
slowly drowning in the flood-
no energy to keep fighting.

Each drop is one drop closer
to my death.

© Charlie 2013