Truth in Treason

Happy Birthday echoed in Caps lock all around the room
Faces of kin all sharing in the celebratory mood
Toasts of honour flowed from champagne glasses too
Speeches and rekindled tales of old met bursts of laughter from a few
But I wasn't buying the hype, from behind the shadows I stood and looked

At the head of the table sat my mother
A place Reserved only for kings, queens and quests of honour
All the above is exactly what she was
The birthday girl, on that day no person alive could be seated any higher above

Dressed in robes befitting of a Goddesses
Radiating outward and soaking the moment back in
As if the world turned on a perfect axis
If just for today or maybe just for that second when I casted my assessment

But again I subtracted myself
Not in presence
But rather in spirit and essence
Detached from my surroundings and the celebrations it represents

To many this may sound odd or even borderline treason
How doth a man depriveth honour to she whom hath birthed him
It betrays logic and mystifies reason
But there's roots to this tree which bears bitter fruits and it grows deep

At first she was the modern Isis
A God above women, robed in splender and rightiousness
The template for all women who came before and after
Like Cleopatra if you will, however that was before what was to come after...

It all went sour the older I had gotten
It was as if the scales fell off my eyes and The more I saw the more enlightened I got
Like a five percenter of superior knowledge
My observations of her became like a thesis and it started to hurt being a scholar

The wickedness of heart started rearing its ugly head
Jealousy and envy and self centeredness soon grew from the back
I was left Frozen like a statue after seeing that
My mom became like Madusa with Hydra heads for hair

There I stood
A statue
Brittle and fragile but Immortalised too
Forever as the one who dared to look

There I stood
She left me alone as proof
That I was the stubborn embryo who refused the medicated fluids
Which flowed from the abortion clinic into her womb

There I stood
The revered statue
Freezing from the cold wind which often blows through
Slowly Chipping at my atomic bonds as I aged from youth
Facing the wrath and might of the elements alone and helpless as a statue
Like HIV its a slow puncture death in desolate times, praying for refuge

Was it my fault?
Was it something I did?
I mean you made me
Why turn back around and betray me
With an abortion, what does that say
Even if I was a mistake baby
The least you could've done was to was try to conceal the truth from your face
The same one that turned me to stone when I seen your true self and ways

These are the thoughts that circle like vultures
Picking their moments to swoop down for a knaw at a half rotting heart
Emotions slowly bleed out from the wounds, defiling the dust

Sinking into the ground and infecting my pulse
Toxic and vile, becoming ill and lifeless from the inside out as a result
Convulsing and heaving till my feelings come spewing out from my stomach

But again it just splatters on the ground, defiling the dust...
Burning a hole though it from its acidic touch
As if to create a grave for me to fall into once the poison has fully sunk in

Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust
I was never meant to be here to start with
Maybe that's why I am vexed as such