deepundergroundpoetry.com
The wishful soldiers
Here they come,
Them wild eyed innocent boys
Marching down tree lined streets,
with guns aloft and terrified smiles.
The crowd cheers and spill their blood
And scream with patriotic delight.
But I feel isolated,
A stranger watching with alien eyes,
Wondering where are the rich man's sons.
The white shirt and silk tie brigade.
For they will be never on Baghdad lanes,
When the bullets starts to rain.
Now I know what it means;
when you got nothing but a pocketful of dreams.
Them wild eyed innocent boys
Marching down tree lined streets,
with guns aloft and terrified smiles.
The crowd cheers and spill their blood
And scream with patriotic delight.
But I feel isolated,
A stranger watching with alien eyes,
Wondering where are the rich man's sons.
The white shirt and silk tie brigade.
For they will be never on Baghdad lanes,
When the bullets starts to rain.
Now I know what it means;
when you got nothing but a pocketful of dreams.
Published 18th Nov 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
18th Nov 2013 4:58am
Great start, a few small grammatical errors:
"The crowd cheer and spill their blood" should either be
"The crowds cheer and spill their blood"
or
"The crowd cheers and spills their blood"
"Wondering where are the rich man sons." Should read:
"Wondering where are the rich man's sons,"
also, possibly, "Now I know what it means,
when got nothing but a pocketful of dreams."
could read:
Now I know what it means;
I got nothing but a pocketful of dreams.
You obviously wrote this with a clear intention of a message you wanted to portray, and you did a good job clearly passing that message on to the reader. Keep writing, and never stop improving!
"The crowd cheer and spill their blood" should either be
"The crowds cheer and spill their blood"
or
"The crowd cheers and spills their blood"
"Wondering where are the rich man sons." Should read:
"Wondering where are the rich man's sons,"
also, possibly, "Now I know what it means,
when got nothing but a pocketful of dreams."
could read:
Now I know what it means;
I got nothing but a pocketful of dreams.
You obviously wrote this with a clear intention of a message you wanted to portray, and you did a good job clearly passing that message on to the reader. Keep writing, and never stop improving!
18th Nov 2013 6:37am
Thanks for the advice,grammar was never a strong
point,I made the required changes.
Glad you liked the piece.
point,I made the required changes.
Glad you liked the piece.
24th Nov 2013 3:10am
