deepundergroundpoetry.com
To you (u know who)
My love for you is astonishing more so that it scares me...just how happy you make me..i dont know what to do with happy it confuses me its unfimiliar and scarce..I do hope you will teach me .My days are brighter now that your in my mind.My thoughts never leave you...i blush and wonder what is he doing...is he thinking about me to....what if he thinks im just some silly blushing girl that is only infatuated
But im truely in love..the kind of love that others look apon and weep like i did befor i knew why i was so sad...i was without you.
But im truely in love..the kind of love that others look apon and weep like i did befor i knew why i was so sad...i was without you.
Published 27th Jan 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
27th Jan 2011 8:38am
i like this but the structure is bugging me just a little.
i think that if you structured it into stanzas with no more than around 12 or so lines per stanza.
you write with honesty which is a great thing and dont thing that i don't like the poem... it's just i'm a huge structure freak haha :)
take my advice or not. but this is how i feel it should go...
My love for you
is astonishing
more so that
it scares me
Just how happy you make me
I don't know
what to do with happy
it confuses me
its unfamiliar and scarce
I do hope you will teach me
My days are brighter
now that you're in my mind
my thoughts
never leave you.
I blush and wonder
what is he doing ?
is he thinking about me too ?
what if he thinks ;
I'm just some silly blushing girl
that is only infatuated.
But I'm truly in love
the kind of love that others
look upon and weep
'like i did before
I knew why i was so sad
I was without you
*Think about it... you are a great writer..
let me know what you think :)
i think that if you structured it into stanzas with no more than around 12 or so lines per stanza.
you write with honesty which is a great thing and dont thing that i don't like the poem... it's just i'm a huge structure freak haha :)
take my advice or not. but this is how i feel it should go...
My love for you
is astonishing
more so that
it scares me
Just how happy you make me
I don't know
what to do with happy
it confuses me
its unfamiliar and scarce
I do hope you will teach me
My days are brighter
now that you're in my mind
my thoughts
never leave you.
I blush and wonder
what is he doing ?
is he thinking about me too ?
what if he thinks ;
I'm just some silly blushing girl
that is only infatuated.
But I'm truly in love
the kind of love that others
look upon and weep
'like i did before
I knew why i was so sad
I was without you
*Think about it... you are a great writer..
let me know what you think :)
27th Jan 2011 11:34am
i really like this poem. its really good and i agree with DementedDamsel, i would structure it that way too. Good job q:
27th Jan 2011 4:26pm
