deepundergroundpoetry.com
the perceived week shall inherit the sky
date rape wasn't created in the nineties
but it did paper cut itself a soundtrack
I am tired of the bitching and moaning
over today's kids being too soft
Yes, I agree that they are, but
you are foolish if you believe
that your parents don't think
you're a full blown pussy
We have an electrified monkey uncle
that knows us all as bitches
for needing language and tools
The gluten,seroquel,amphetamine salts
and accepting serenity in extreme anxiety
is not strictly a softening of the machine
it is what will fold space, keep us safe
when the geometry fails
I'm not sure how
couldn't because
my spin of the spiral
happened before Grand Theft Auto
but it did paper cut itself a soundtrack
I am tired of the bitching and moaning
over today's kids being too soft
Yes, I agree that they are, but
you are foolish if you believe
that your parents don't think
you're a full blown pussy
We have an electrified monkey uncle
that knows us all as bitches
for needing language and tools
The gluten,seroquel,amphetamine salts
and accepting serenity in extreme anxiety
is not strictly a softening of the machine
it is what will fold space, keep us safe
when the geometry fails
I'm not sure how
couldn't because
my spin of the spiral
happened before Grand Theft Auto
Published 10th Nov 2013
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10th Nov 2013 5:19pm
It's tradition to pass on this lovely disdain to the next generation isn't it? :)
Excellent ponderings LB!!!
Excellent ponderings LB!!!
10th Nov 2013 6:56pm
10th Nov 2013 5:53pm
That couplet in italics is cleverly worded, lol. Actually, the whole thing is skilfully presented. Which is why the last stanza needs urgent attention, because the structure and word order is a little bit confusing. Is it missing a word?
On the topic itself - I agree, and not. Yes, each new generation is looked at as having it easy in terms of technology, with all the devices and gadgets we have to save us labor. However, we pay a heavy price in terms of time. The rat race gets faster and faster, and anyone unwilling or unable to keep up with the said technology is generally shunned, with very few exceptions.
Thanks for getting the thinking gears grinding away, lb.
On the topic itself - I agree, and not. Yes, each new generation is looked at as having it easy in terms of technology, with all the devices and gadgets we have to save us labor. However, we pay a heavy price in terms of time. The rat race gets faster and faster, and anyone unwilling or unable to keep up with the said technology is generally shunned, with very few exceptions.
Thanks for getting the thinking gears grinding away, lb.
10th Nov 2013 6:54pm
The end def does fall flat... Been thinking on what to do with it... Thank you for your thoughts
10th Nov 2013 7:56pm
LB
nice, easy to read and follow. maybe today's in the second couplet and I reckon you'd get away with taking out the 'that at the start of the 8th line and the 'all in the tenth.
that last stanza, just flesh out your thoughts with a couple more words, I tried this for the craic:
I'm not sure how
couldn't be, could it
'cos my spin of the spiral
happened before Grand Theft Auto
I dunno man, anyhow damn decent writing there LB
shine on
nice, easy to read and follow. maybe today's in the second couplet and I reckon you'd get away with taking out the 'that at the start of the 8th line and the 'all in the tenth.
that last stanza, just flesh out your thoughts with a couple more words, I tried this for the craic:
I'm not sure how
couldn't be, could it
'cos my spin of the spiral
happened before Grand Theft Auto
I dunno man, anyhow damn decent writing there LB
shine on
thank ya much man...took those suggestions and parings, much appreciated...really am still considering those last few lines, again thanks on the thoughts
27th Nov 2013 8:55am
Not sure about the title ... should it be weak rather than week? Re the body of the work, I'm still coming to grips with what mischief you're up to here, and enjoying the ride.
27th Nov 2013 10:55am
eh, hate titling...every now and then I have a good one, usually just an impulsive decision
yes it was supposed to be "weak"...I did notice the wrong use of the word, and convinced myself that it was a clever pun, referring to the time aspect of each generation getting faster
I am aware that it is not that clever, and a shitty title...hahaha ill think on it
my mischief enjoys your poking around a bit, it is always open...Thank you Kaatho for reading and commenting on these works, it is very appreciated
yes it was supposed to be "weak"...I did notice the wrong use of the word, and convinced myself that it was a clever pun, referring to the time aspect of each generation getting faster
I am aware that it is not that clever, and a shitty title...hahaha ill think on it
my mischief enjoys your poking around a bit, it is always open...Thank you Kaatho for reading and commenting on these works, it is very appreciated
27th Nov 2013 5:05pm
Titling is difficult, for sure ... I'm just glad we all have "an electrified monkey uncle that knows us all as bitches" Fabulous line, haheee! :-D
