I Broke Up with You, So Why does it Hurt so Fucking Bad?

I am alone now
I have no one
I had a choice
Stay with someone,
Who put me
Second
Or
Be alone.
It hurts curling up
Under the covers
Knowing she won't hold me again
I will be alone
I curl up to nothing
I am scared
I hurt her
But she hurt me first
She let someone else touch her
EVERYDAY!
EVERY FUCKING DAY!
As if that wasn't bad enough
I don't know what to do
How do I avoid her?
All I want to do is
Make sure she is okay.

I texted her tonight
She ignored me
I texted her tonight
And she picked our future
To remain EXs
To be apart
To be separated
I needed her tonight
And she wasn't there
So, I did what I had too
I took the sharp metal
I carved love into my being
I let the red drip
I let it leak
I texted her tonight
"Hi."
And then silence
And now,
I am alone.
I felt it all day
The silence
The emptiness
It hurt.
It burned.
It made me quiet.
I don't know if I miss her
Or if I miss having someone
Either way, she doesn't care
. . . not anymore.