disappear

one day is all it will take,

one little day, for fucks sake,

all my life i was the target,

pick on little poor stuart,

fuck it im used to the hurt,

why am i used to it?

used to a life of shit,

ive been down on my knees,

begging for help to help it end,

tried suicide more times than 3,

suicide and me,

arent the perfect team,

first time i tried was my dad,

see i was close to my dad,

he was my idol,

at this point i wasnt suicidal,

but then he fell ill,

for just over 2 years al i could do was watch,

2 years he got worse and worse,

then cunt god decided to knock it up a notch,

i was by his bed seeing him with tubes up his nose,

he was practically comatose,

holding his hand then they took him away,

for yet another operation,

at this point i was scared for the first time ever,

his doctor had an attitude,

started on me, fuck off dude,

yeah whatever,

basically over 2 years, he was that sick he came home to die,

when they brought him home i held his hand,

hours had passed, i had to leave, and he died that night,

weird i never cried at the funeral,

trying to be strong,

what the fuck did he do wrong?

theres cunts out there who rape kill and repeat,

who are still on their feet,

yet my dad did fuck all wrong,

now hes gone,

in between times i was in agony with my spine,

got 2 metal rods and 10 screws sunshine,

when i first felt the pain i knew my dads fate was mine,

to this day i never cried,

just thought of suicide,

speaking of which second time i tried was when my dog died,

so stupid i know but it was my best friend,

two years old and its life is now at its end,

really attached to him,

had him since his life begin,

now with depression and mental problems,

im just sick of it all,

all the lies,

bullshit and all the times ive cried,

not once has anybody ever asked if im alright,

im putting on a strong brave face,

so people think i know my place,

im so fucking tired,

of not being able to sleep,

or eat,

hearing voices and seeing images,

i really wish i couldn't,

hoping i couldn't wishing i shouldn't,

so the third time i tried suicide?

well thats easy,

its after i post this poem,

im going to get up from my laptop,

walk out my door,

disappear,

to be seen never more......................