deepundergroundpoetry.com
Bang Bang.
My beautiful state of ignorance has evaporated
I’ll never be the same way now
Lies, the ultimate betrayal
Now its like you stole my ignorant state of bliss
Even though I was living my happiness in a lie
This will still be the most painful good bye,
Like gasoline running through my veins
Its like im hungry for more pain
And then gasoline meets the flame
And my ignorant heart goes bang
I’ll never be the same way now
Lies, the ultimate betrayal
Now its like you stole my ignorant state of bliss
Even though I was living my happiness in a lie
This will still be the most painful good bye,
Like gasoline running through my veins
Its like im hungry for more pain
And then gasoline meets the flame
And my ignorant heart goes bang
Published 4th Nov 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
4th Nov 2013 7:10am
i can feel the poem.. i appreciate the way you want to deepen your verses...it's just that..your finale is not as explosive as you wanted it to be..
4th Nov 2013 7:15pm
Thanks for your honesty this category wasn't really my forte but I like it anyway. What do you think would have made it better?
if i would revise the last line of that last verse.. maybe i would write.. "and my heart goes BANG!!!
.......there's an explosion from within".
.......there's an explosion from within".
5th Nov 2013 00:31am
4th Nov 2013 10:03pm
4th Nov 2013 10:40pm
