strangers, with auld spice

So the Old Wood beckoned again. The wood’s still shrouding as dark rivers stroll through its undergrowth and past our home hidden back beneath the high overhung dreeping ivy. Resting in beside damp dark green mosses.
The last time we had a visitor was about three years ago. He was a young traveller who was on his way from south west Wales, aiming to arrive at a writers pub in Glasgow. For why? To this day we do not know. However what we do know is that he, himself, was a fine man.  Well, what I really mean is that when we had butchered and marinated him for five months in fresh spices and deep natural herbs, he tasted ‘fine’. Around our dining table we laugh and seldom disagree over which meat is the best. We are not fussy eaters.
Anyway, as I said at the beginning. The Old Wood beckoned again, which meant that there was a human lost in it and needing help or something. But for me it just meant an opportunity to kill someone, or perhaps more than one, and get butchering and marinating again. I love cooking. My wife loves to eat well and make things with the materials around her. With the left over bones Angela will carve stories into them. Stories from the old days about moons, suns and all natural life. I love them. She sells them to our pirate friends who visit now and again throughout the seasons. They never travel through the Old Wood. Mores the pity really! But hey ho. Not sure they would taste all that good anyway. Bit fashy perhaps? I don’t mind a bit of salt in the boiling pot with the veggies, but I find the meat very salty so none is needed when cooking. I have to boil the meat to draw the salt out before roasting over the fires anyway. It’s a bit like pig in that way. Tastier though.
Ok. Time for me to head off upstream to the Old Wood and see if I can get the job done. I always use my crossbow to knock them down and slow them if they catch wind of what I am doing and try to run. But if they don’t then I have my hand axe which I cave into their heads a few times to kill them. The head has very little food value, asides the brains and eyes anyway, so there’s no real waste. Right, off I go a hunting.
I’ve just arrived in the South part of the wood and can see what looks like an older man and a young boy wandering about. The man looks like he is trying to find something. I think the boy is crying. Yep, the boy looks very scared and is crying. There is blood showing on his face too. Probably from his nose. Looks like he’s been hit. I’ll take a closer look and judge the situation. Find out what’s really going on...
Right. Just as I thought. It’s a fucking Beast. Well. There’s only one thing to do with him and that’s kill him. I’ll use my bow then axe him up.  Perfect shot right through his bladder. Great the kids bolted for safety. Right I am going over to him now to axe him up. Not for eating mind cos i don’t feed my family monsters, nor poison...
Okay. Job done. I used the blunt back of my hand axe to smash his jaw off to stop him screaming. Then the same technique for the bones in the beasts legs, arms and his spine. I left him for a bit like that then hacked off his feet, hands and head. I put these in a black bin liner to dispose of at my friends pig farm so I don’t get caught by the filth. Wait a wee minute.....that’s it...I’ve just gutted him for the wildlife to eat. Right, job done. Now back down the river to home. Oh well. No food this time, but there is after all more to life than eating.