Incapable

My diffidence disgusts you.
You wonder why my heart still weeps
Through the sunny days and porch shade.  
My self-loathing eats away at your very heart.
You crave my happiness, my vociferous laugh.
The very thought of my smile is enough to make you weak.
 
But what makes me weak is  
That I can’t satisfy you. I watch closely.
I watch for that glimmer of hope that you have
Of someday making me smile.  
I feel your heart flutter every time we hold hands.  
It crawls through my veins.  
And whilst your heart flutters, mine becomes morbid
Because I know,  
That I’m incapable of loving you.