Beautiful Sadness

Maybe it's the music or the sting of drugs racing through my blood, but the feel of his touch was ecstatic. The way he held me though the screams or the soft tickle of him whispering meaningless song lyrics against my cheek. This is what I live for. Not the parties or the drugs but the feelings. That feeling of forgetting or the feeling of sadness.
    When your alone at 3 am. trying to forget. Makeup filled tears stuck to your cheeks. Vodka and cigaret stained breath. That's the worst kind of sadness, but the sadness that sits in your lungs. When it takes over and you start to hear the greatest threats that aren't even their, or faces only one can see. When the mind starts to see sounds and hear colors. This is the sadness that pushes someone to take a blade to the wrist or a gun to the lips. It's beautiful, as beautiful as happiness. When someone can cry of happiness some can smile of sadness.
     The only people who feel this, we're special; we're young and unhappy. Our eyes hold more secrets then a homicidal persons diary. Our hair holds the smell of drugs and tears. But, when you look at us we seem so happy and bright. It's that sadness. That beautiful sadness that takes over and makes us smile. That's the sadness no adult will ever feel or remember how it felt but that teens will feel until death. Wether it's true heart stopping death or the birth of adulthood. It's all death. Just let the beautiful sadness and heart wrenching pain fill you. You are a teen that will get lost in depression at one point. But let the drugs sting you and music soothe p
you. His hand feel you. His breath breathe you in. With every gasp of beautiful sadness fill you. Just for some time; then some sort of death.