Bubblegum Chain

Jake spit it out the car window without a care, secure that his journey involved wheels instead of walking and thus it was no skin off of his ass. Seventeen cars, two trucks, and one motorcycle ran over it before it made it off the highway, hitching a ride on the hot undercarriage of an 18 wheeler into the parking lot of the Gas N Grill. George, the driver of the hot-bottomed truck, loved the Grill’s pork chops and had a crush on the hostess, Marge, so by the time he returned to his truck the undercarriage had cooled and the gum had fallen to the concrete.

Marge stepped on it as she walked to her car after another 12-hour shift and goddamn if Steve hadn’t squeezed her ass again, the grabby son of a bitch. Marge was largely a creature of impulse and so the sticky mass on her foot was seen not as a curse but a blessing. Changing her course slightly, she strode over to Steve’s red 87 Camaro. Scraping the sole of her sneaker on the curb, she managed to peel Jake’s ejaculate off the shoe, whereupon she scooped it up and lodged it, with malice and force, in the keyhole of Steve’s Camaro.

Steve found it, but not until after he’d shoved his key right into the sticky mass, jamming some of it deep inside the keyhole. Cursing, he helplessly patted his hands against his thighs, feeling his pockets for anything with which to remove the gum. With a frustrated exhalation Steve began pulling at it, and the by now filthy piece of gum was soon all over his hands, pants, shirt, and chest hair. Still cursing, he drove home and painfully shaved his chest, the pink-flecked reddish hairs clustering in the bottom of the sink. A deluge of cold water pushed the hairy blob down the drain and into the pipes beneath, where six months later it cost Steve $1537 in repairs, which he paid to his plumber Carl.

The check bounced, and Carl’s bank charged him 7 different overage fees totaling $175. A bank associate named Jennifer called Carl to inform him of the charges, and Carl said some very nasty things to Jennifer. Jennifer wasn’t in a very good mood to start with, as she’d gotten a ticket on the way to work that morning after getting in a fight with her boyfriend over his lazy housekeeping habits. She hung up on Carl and burst into tears while her co-workers fidgeted and looked uncomfortable. Nobody asked her if she was alright or attempted to comfort her, and this disregard transformed her dismay into anger. Telling nobody in particular that she was taking a personal day, she stalked out of the bank and went home. Jennifer’s boyfriend wasn’t expecting her to come home early, and neither was the girl he was fucking, who felt no need to stop moaning and rutting. Jennifer, understandably, lost it.

“Jake you asshole I’m going to kill you!” she screamed, lunging across the bed. Her fingernails drew blood as she caught his naked ankle. Jake screamed, the latest piece of gum falling from his lips, and at the sight of his blood the naked girl screamed too. Jennifer, still screaming, yanked on Jake’s foot. Jake, still screaming, kicked at Jennifer’s hand. Naked girl paused for breath and then resumed screaming as she jumped out of the bed, accidentally stepped on Jake’s other non-bloody foot, and raced out of the room. Jake pulled his foot from Jennifer’s grip and fell backwards on the bed, his hairy ass landing splat right on top of his juicy, sticky, fat wad of gum, and that night, when he removed the gum, it turned out it was indeed some skin off his ass.