the unfatherly monster wins, again

Sick
Sick is what I feel when I re-emerge
From a waking dream that has managed
To puncture the happiness in me
Tired is how I feel knowing I spend
another day- another dragging day -
in this hell hole
Colossal and drowning is this hell hole
Screeching a thousand death screams,
misery from past sins
and clean fear in the face of the devil

Defeated I stand, masking a brave
face which only makes me seem all
the more cowardly
I look in the face of this monster
that has diverted my path of
life to a path of death,
I face him with all I have
mustered up
No army but myself - I fight my battle

Bleeding regret, pain and tears -
still I show resistance

He stands over me, shadowing every
part of me that he's managed to grope
Every part of me till the point
of my bloodied strands of hair
His vile eyes pierce the core of
my bitter soul
Enraged and foul, they give
me a gruesome stare

Giving up
My joints surrender and can no
longer support my structure
Hurt - I grip on my clothes,
relieved that I can still feel the texture
It's better than nothing
Lifting up my heavy head,
I see he has already gone back
to meet his acquaintances - smiling
like nothing happened,
Like he didn't give me a preview
of my upcoming battle,
Which I will lose - once again.