deepundergroundpoetry.com
Aligned With Mars
He’s stationed two hundred million miles
from Earth and the time zone difference
is cosmic. She redirects communications
and faces the link-com screen, smiling
her Gaia welcome. The moon relay
comms engages, and the screen flickers,
and two terra hours pass in a heart-
swelled flutter. The screen call barely
holds them, but the synched clocks
are at thirty-two hours six minutes
and counting… their time alone together
on Space Station Aditi, a virtual
plane he designed in the name of
science, but built with stellar sweat
and a galactic link of desire,
two hundred million miles long.
Written for the "In Science We Love!" comp
Published 24th Sep 2013
| Edited 25th Sep 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 0
comments 24
reads 855
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
"When the moon is
in the Seventh House,
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will glide the planets
And love will steer the stars....." **
This piece speaks to the sci-fy imagination, indeed. I really enjoyed this inter-gallactic love story!
Note: **"The Age of Aquarius" (Sorry..couldn't resist. A neighbor inherited his uncle's collection of soundtracks from old stage musicals...this song is from "HAIR". These are some of the chorus lyrics...your title made me think of them. LOL!
in the Seventh House,
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will glide the planets
And love will steer the stars....." **
This piece speaks to the sci-fy imagination, indeed. I really enjoyed this inter-gallactic love story!
Note: **"The Age of Aquarius" (Sorry..couldn't resist. A neighbor inherited his uncle's collection of soundtracks from old stage musicals...this song is from "HAIR". These are some of the chorus lyrics...your title made me think of them. LOL!
25th Sep 2013 11:09am
I know that song... I'm glad you liked it, Enchantress, thank you for the comments.
24th Sep 2013 9:51pm
25th Sep 2013 11:11am
Anonymous
24th Sep 2013 9:59pm
This was a really good read, I enjoyed your clever observational and abject sort of style and the directness with which you spell out the chaos of it all..very talented! lovely work :-)
25th Sep 2013 11:19am
Anonymous
24th Sep 2013 10:53pm
ataki-like well done
strider
strider
25th Sep 2013 1:16pm
Anonymous
25th Sep 2013 1:38am
<< post removed >>
25th Sep 2013 1:17pm
25th Sep 2013 2:53am
nice, I don't like when you end a stanza half way through a sentence, I guess its the anarchist in you but its not right ..it's just not cricket
a nice read Atack-ee, even in the midst of that horrible disarray of a structure, it shines through.
good stuff missus, shine on
a nice read Atack-ee, even in the midst of that horrible disarray of a structure, it shines through.
good stuff missus, shine on
25th Sep 2013 1:18pm
I joined an anarchist organization once... we got nothing done.
Well, I'm sorry, lol. That half way through a sentence thing is not going to change, and I'm not the only one who does it... I like it.
I'm glad you liked the rest of it, though. Cheers for your thoughts.
:)
Well, I'm sorry, lol. That half way through a sentence thing is not going to change, and I'm not the only one who does it... I like it.
I'm glad you liked the rest of it, though. Cheers for your thoughts.
:)
25th Sep 2013 7:18am
25th Sep 2013 1:19pm
Anonymous
25th Sep 2013 9:14pm
I like this. :D
28th Sep 2013 4:49pm
29th Sep 2013 3:23am
Took me back to shades of Major Tom and Aquarius. Enjoyed your connect over the distance with hearts woven in a space romance. Very nice visual and write. Ultimate longing would be 200 million miles of anticipation.
29th Sep 2013 5:24am
3rd Oct 2013 12:30pm
3rd Oct 2013 4:53pm
3rd Oct 2013 9:44pm
1st Nov 2013 10:54pm
I think the first sentence is brilliant; every word in it feels necessary, and the way the blunt fact of it gives the word 'cosmic' an edge, stopping it from being vague and disco-y and making it something with a big serious glow is great. I was thinking how it would be if 'He's stationed two hundred million miles from Earth and the time zone difference' was one long starting line. Because I think the line break to the third line works great, but there's something really lyrical about reading those first two lines that makes me just want to push them together into one bold phrase.
2nd Nov 2013 00:48am
Wow, Merda, thanks for the in-depth attention. I have this compulsion for 'tidy lines', and sometimes the break is exactly what I want...
I might have to play with longer lines... Thanks so much for stopping by!
:)
I might have to play with longer lines... Thanks so much for stopping by!
:)
3rd Nov 2013 8:34pm
I do really like the tidy, compact line breaks. I was thinking: it might be interesting if 'He's stationed two million miles from Earth and the time zone difference' was the title. So the first line is 'is cosmic.' + the line breaks aren't messed about with then. Sorry if this all seems naggy - don't at all want to encroach on your writing, just thought I'd let you know of that idea. :)
