The Complexities of Depression

Sorry I can’t be who
I’m supposed to be...
staring through pain
and misery...
maybe I should just shut myself down...
erase the pain from my face
to lessen the frown...

maybe I should just build
a new mask
forge it from steel
instead of from glass
then I won’t have to worry about cracks
or having it shatter when my emotions attack

maybe these will
be the last words I write
because of the pain
that they bring into everyone's lives
the hurt that it causes
when reading these lines
including the pain
that is brings into mine

I know words can cut
and drive spikes into veins
slice up the heart until nothing remains
rip through the mind devouring the brain
hoping to heal but bringing more pain

I’m sorry I can’t
just smile at will
that the look on my face
sometimes says kill
I can’t just make up my mind to heal
by flipping a switch
or taking a pill

I know that is seems
that my thoughts always race
and I cannot control
the look on my face
I cant break from the dark
where I feel I’m encased
strangling my heart
and smothering my brain

I know that it seems
that moods never change
always the exact same look on my face
no one should think
that I want to remain
under this cloud
and surrounded by pain

I wish it was easy
to just turn it all off
wipe off the frown
the tears and
the scoff
but if I must,
I’ll just put on this mask
and say “I’m okay”
whenever anyone asks