Death Sentence

I never knew that loneliness hurt this bad.
Falling in and out of the nightmare
there is no stable ground beneath me.
I try to side with denial,
but like friendships it never lasts.
I try to smile to cover up the pain
but I'm not allowed to be joyful
even if its for a little while.
It feels like I've been sentenced life in my thoughts,
that's worse than a death sentence.
I've tried to find god but I guess I'm doing it wrong
cause I've never been more sad.
They say happiness will come to you
if you know Jesus, I guess we're complete strangers.
No one gets me, happiness doesn't understand sadness.
I feel deserted because I am alone.
Searching for open arms to bury my body into
and soak up all the love and attention
I've been so desperately searching.
Does anyone notice the frown behind my smile?
Can anyone hear the sadness that caresses my laughter?
No one here, just me, but how much more of myself can I take?
Anger slowly finds a home in my heart.
Everywhere I try to fit in seems like
there's never any space, was I placed on the wrong planet?
Could it be that I'm an outsider?
These days the only friends I have are the monsters
hiding in my soul. Life in my head, worse than a death sentence