"Follow me alone"

 
          *revised
 
court committed, asylum bound, submissive frown
last dance others, sycophants stutter, past chance implied
the judge self-righteous, evaluations, parole denied
just another rant, passionate chants ..enhanced
rhyme slants try, surrounding souls, slithering too sly
too many wounds, sad clowns, buffoons, surrealism soon
wild demon eyes, knife-stares, panic faster
cell doors bang, waking nightmares, manic laughter
disrespect, that's all that's left, imperfect
emotions pause, rampant fears since calls
done, bent ever since, wince and gnaw,
bang my head on the walls
the verse betrays mistrust, reverse pray I must
it hurts, days cry unjust, nights portraying lust
shallow taunts, day-room jaunts, visiting privilege gone
pariah gladiator, the color of my skin wrong
unwanted chaos, how did I get here?..
I want to go home, follow me alone
 
time drags, rotting pause, dreaming escape withdraws
protect myself to live, project why I help with
your loony shit gives, hide a shank and shiv
lighter-fluid in a light bulb ambush
wide eyes and a big surprise, burning push
a violent end, dealt inflicted pain
as silent pretends, helping, sick dread again
crazy eyes, maybe dies, don't let me fall asleep
save me faces contorted, shoe laces you can't keep
safety razors and canteen candy enough
hear my fear a thousand times, pills in a cup
check under my tongue, set, here I come
dark dreams and thick worlds obscene
plotting against me, tell them to shut up!
straight-jackets, cuffs, cartoons and thorazine
stay out of my head, redundant dread, whispered voices said
I want to go home, follow me alone
 
anxiety, delusions fed, fear I'll come back, paranoia attacks
dreams pretend, fear rides when, my mind bends
I need to show I'm strong, the shrinks are wrong
don't fight to deny, my will to survive
white coats coming, again the padded cell
knee to my throat, breathe .. I only hope
I hear from within, my eternal hell
sing along, everything wrong, taste some shit!
visions or reality, what world is this?
know no sympathy, I can't tell ..  guilt and sin
I must hide, knees to my chest .. rocking
catatonic close, my eyes shut wide
turning keys, screaming please
more head-knocking ghost denied
insanity's contagious .. don't look at me!
my beliefs, my self-grief .. reigns empty  
depression grips, pessimism drips
insane I am, blame I can .. accept my pain,
I search peace, my release
I want to go home, follow me alone