Gold Painted Pedestal

I remember back when we took our first peak, when the seal was broken and our secrets were leaked; she said I was perfect for her, she said that I was all the things she never knew she wanted. She said I was out of her league, she didn’t understand how someone like me could want her. Now she tells me she deserves so much better, she’s worth more than what I have to offer and she won't settle for-- mediocre. We've realized my imperfections are much heavier than she had expected them to be and the weight was making her body feel weak, under my weight she was crumbling.

After our first kiss she said she couldn’t stop smiling, she said she was giddy the entire way to work and she couldn’t say for certain but, “I think this is love.” She said her stomach was filled with butterflies, love and hope. She felt completed, she finally felt whole. But now she rarely kisses me anymore, she says no goodbye and all I hear is the slam of the door.

Some nights I'll ask if I can kiss her goodnight, but my request is almost always declined. There's so much distance and she doesn't feel mine, I can see that all her butterflies died.

When she moved in with me for the second time, she wanted us to spend every second together and she would cry when I left the house for an hour. She used to tell me she couldn’t sleep without me, now she begs me to stop fucking talking. She wants me to go away, she says I’ve become tremendously suffocating.. she says she can’t breathe but I don’t understand.. because she’s oxygen, to me.

She'd burst into tears whenever I was upset or sad, she never wanted to be the cause of my pain and she tried so hard to fix all that she'd broken. But now everything's changed and while I'm crying myself to sleep, she sleeps like a baby. Two months ago she would comfort me but now while I'm falling apart, she's able to dream.

This is what happens after infatuation dissipates, this is what happens when the admiration fades and you learn that all you thought glittered was simply grey with gold paint.

The ground was much further than I thought, it was a long way down from the pedestal she put me on and once at eye level-- she realized her vision wasn't quite as clear as she thought. The person that she loved, is a person I am not.