The Endless Fight for Fulfillment

Play the tough chick game
Pretend nothing harms me
nothing bothers me

Is this the cause of my insomnia?
Hidden feelings coming lose to my unoccupied mind
Up all night trying to put together my life

I tell myself "Your in bed there is nothing you can do rite now"
But as much as I try to talk myself out of my madness
I continue to have endless thoughts

Why can't I be normal and fall inlove with a man who loves me
A man who treats me like gold....
No....

Instead unsettled feelings for a man who has not the same love for me, linger
Go away!!!
Leave my mind!!

Feel like this is karma for all the worthy men I couldn't love back
I convince myself I deserve this and just take the abuse my mind gives me

It probably started with not getting love from my father
I want that shit, I cant have it
Its embedded in our genetic make up
we all want what we can not have...
Why?!

Why can we not be satisfied with what is in front of us?
Why did we create this needy unfulfilled feeling in ourselves from the beginning of time?
It all started with that bitch biting the apple
Only thing you cant have you had to take it?

why could we not just be born with the ability to obtain control over our emotions?
Why must we work so hard, to receive that strength to control ourselves
If it's our life and mind it shouldnt be so hard!

Now I'm past the in-between
I use to love too hard
Now I can not love at all
A prisoner, a slave to my own my mind
Its mine let me chose how I feel!