deepundergroundpoetry.com
An Audience With Impermanence
Single moments stream into my… well,
into my tin cup, which dreams of
rattling cages.
I slam down the turmeric shades;
they crack underfoot. They’re broken
anyway, bitch!
Over and over, I stride into the middle
of the last room with stuttering windows,
and two stopped clocks.
I put the cup to my lips, drink dust.
I gulp in coughs, grope the shades back on.
Knock ‘em dead, Tak.
The sunrays hit specks of amber-bright.
Single moments stream into
my tin cup.
Gimme a minute, here…
Many, many thanks to Miss Indie for the fabulous reading of this.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 19
reading list entries 1
comments 36
reads 1203
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
21st Aug 2013 7:55pm
A little different, but I fucking like it. Was lost a couple times but that may be from the beer.
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
21st Aug 2013 8:21pm
Beer is good, may improve the poem!
Thanks for your comments, Dirtfarm, welcome to DU.
Thanks for your comments, Dirtfarm, welcome to DU.
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Anonymous
21st Aug 2013 9:11pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:12pm
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Aug 2013 7:56pm
21st Aug 2013 9:23pm
A great dark tale, you kept the tension triggered tight. I, for one, was dying to know what was in that cup you drank....
And, funny that you wrote the word tak, if you add one k (takk) means thank you in Norwegian.
Sorry to blab, enjoyed the read, Ataki!!!
And, funny that you wrote the word tak, if you add one k (takk) means thank you in Norwegian.
Sorry to blab, enjoyed the read, Ataki!!!
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:13pm
Ha, I'm channeling Norwegian now, whatever next?
Thanks for stopping by, Mourganna! Glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for stopping by, Mourganna! Glad you enjoyed it.
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Anonymous
21st Aug 2013 10:03pm
nice one ataki...drinking dust!
strider
strider
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:13pm
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Anonymous
21st Aug 2013 10:41pm
I wish I could write like you
good work
Kitty
good work
Kitty
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:14pm
re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Anonymous
22nd Aug 2013 2:29pm
<< post removed >>
re: re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 8:30pm
You just need to keep at it, until you can write like YOU. Find your voice, one poem at a time. Now shoo, or I'll tell Case on you.
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
21st Aug 2013 11:16pm
re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:14pm
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 1:14am
Sounds like someone's been on the whiskey wagon :D
Tin cups that dream of rattling cages was a very nice touch, as was the two stopped clocks....... Fishy (Tried it, didn't like it. I'm sticking to tic tac)
Enjoyed very muchly :)
Tin cups that dream of rattling cages was a very nice touch, as was the two stopped clocks....... Fishy (Tried it, didn't like it. I'm sticking to tic tac)
Enjoyed very muchly :)
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:16pm
Not whiskey, but I was in a stupor. Still am, and it's not what you think. No, not that either...
I can live with tic tac, lol.
Thanks, Dys.
I can live with tic tac, lol.
Thanks, Dys.
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 5:10am
Ur short n vivid language is different, n interesting... Makes me feel compelled to know more... :)
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:17pm
And here I was thinking I was crystal clear, lol.
I'll try re-reading it many moons from now and see if I can figure it out myself. I can rely on my memory to be poor, anyway...
Thanks, Poetikmind!
I'll try re-reading it many moons from now and see if I can figure it out myself. I can rely on my memory to be poor, anyway...
Thanks, Poetikmind!
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Anonymous
22nd Aug 2013 12:00pm
awesome addition ataki..a deep little gem!
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:18pm
Yes, Indie's reading of this was a lovely surprise. I got a real kick out of hearing it.
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 12:18pm
It is funny Atakti
I have seen many over the years try to copy "Bukowski's style" I think you hit it here myself. Is this his normal subject matter? Nope... But it is that contemplative manner in which he wrote many of his quieter pieces, a tinge of sarcasm, cheekiness, and deep ending lines.
Well done Hun :)
I have seen many over the years try to copy "Bukowski's style" I think you hit it here myself. Is this his normal subject matter? Nope... But it is that contemplative manner in which he wrote many of his quieter pieces, a tinge of sarcasm, cheekiness, and deep ending lines.
Well done Hun :)
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 1:09pm
Ooh, I lured Maggie in for a comment! Always good to see you here.
Thank you for your thoughts. Bukowski, huh? Wow. Well, sarcasm and cheekiness, I got!
:)
Thank you for your thoughts. Bukowski, huh? Wow. Well, sarcasm and cheekiness, I got!
:)
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Sounds like you've got a problem with your subfloor causing your windows to shutter and I see the powers tripping again... I know a few guys, we could drop round fix the bouncing floor, sort out the problem with the circuit and rattle some cages for you.
Atakti, as always when I read your poetry I feel like a giddy kid on his birthday unwrapping your gift. Great stuff!!!
Awesome read Indie!!!
Atakti, as always when I read your poetry I feel like a giddy kid on his birthday unwrapping your gift. Great stuff!!!
Awesome read Indie!!!
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 1:14pm
Case, you'd come to fix the subfloor and end up re-wiring the house and replacing the roof. I can't afford it, next year maybe.
And there are NO cages in the basement - woah, that door is locked for a reason.
Thanks, man, as always for your cool comments. Agree 100%, that reading by Indie is kick-ass.
And there are NO cages in the basement - woah, that door is locked for a reason.
Thanks, man, as always for your cool comments. Agree 100%, that reading by Indie is kick-ass.
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Anonymous
22nd Aug 2013 2:33pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 8:29pm
Thanks for being honest, Theo. I may have got overzealous with the symbolism... Cheers for the feedback!
:)
:)
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
22nd Aug 2013 10:50pm
Sounds like frustration and an empty place, moments turned to dust can choke at times maybe?
Wonderful thought provoking write Atakti. :)
Wonderful thought provoking write Atakti. :)
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
23rd Aug 2013 9:53am
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
Anonymous
24th Aug 2013 7:15pm
this is exquisite! every word added life to the piece. Thank's for the read :)
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
25th Aug 2013 12:14pm
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
24th Aug 2013 11:02pm
re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
25th Aug 2013 12:15pm
Re: An Audience With Impermanence
25th Aug 2013 5:54am
Terrific images, Atakti, with almost a cinematic feel to the details. The reading complemented the piece well. Nice job!
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re: Re: An Audience With Impermanence
25th Aug 2013 12:15pm
Re. An Audience With Impermanence
19th Jun 2016 6:06pm