Your Dad...

She looks at me so sweet
says "mommy, are you proud of me?"
She cleaned up her room without being asked
just so she can see her daddy.

but he called again a while ago...
I haven't had the heart to tell her.
A tear on my cheek trying to put a smile on my face
he's already giving up on her.

How do I tell her though?
This is all my fault, you see.
I chose this supposed "MAN" to be mine
I should've known better...
              He wasn't even there for me.

When he was he was mean
he's good at bringing you down.
You'd wake up happy to face the day
and he'd smash your faith to the ground.

What can I do after I tell her
to make her feel better?
I wish I could say, "he'll be here soon"
 but he's never coming to get her.

I thought it'd take a while
for him to just give up on her
this is just the 2nd visitation
so it leaves me to wonder.

If he spent his gas money on drugs
and too busy filling up his nose.
I gave up that life so she could have better
When will he? I dont even think God knows.

One day she'll open up the door
and he'll be there with flowers
with a "I'm sorry, I'm a piece of shit" look on his face
then the typical begging and pleading that follows.

She'll bring him off his knees
saying "I forgive you, dad"
because thats the kind of girl I'm raising
with no grudges to be had.

Then he'll just not show up again
he's gone back to his ways
begging to take him back again
this time she'll slam the door in his face.

But now I peak into the bedroom
at just a 5 year old playing on the floor
Her blue eyes look up, she smiles at me
I can't lie to her anymore.

I said "Daddy, isn't coming today, honey..
but maybe some other time!"
She looked at me, rolled her eyes
and said "I don't care, that's fine".

I started to walk out
she asked softly if I wanted to play..
I thought for a second, turned around
and we played with her toys all day.

I've already raised a strong little girl
unfortunately he's proven himself to her
but I still bite my tongue, she can think what she wants
I just hope she learns for the future.

I love you, Kaelen
and I'm sorry he's your dad...
but I'll be the best mom I can be
I'll do my best to never make you sad..