just to wonder...

You pass me on the street and out eyes briefly meet.
You hold the door open for me as I enter behind you.
I say thanks, but you have no idea that my mind is blank.
In the elevator you crack a joke, I flash a smile,
you have no idea that my heart is in denial.
You ask me how my day was and I say fine.
You have no idea that my brain and I are arguing to if I should cross the line.
My happiness is gone as I walk in this world.
The thoughts in my head have me wishing I was laying in a cold dark hole.
Once you lose your soul there is no turning back.
Everything you once dreamed of no longer has an impact.
You don't want to love nor do you want to have fun.
Your days are so long the problems in your mind make you question if you should carry on.
You smile so that's what people see on your face,
they think that you are happy but deep down inside you feel like a worthless disgrace.
Each day the performance you put on for people is Emmy award winning,
But you question yourself and wonder if you act is just a way for you to hold off your own internal sinnings.
When you wake up from a night's sleep you wonder to yourself if today is the day your heart will be back to it's old self or will it still be skipping every other beat.
You wonder if things that once made you happy to be alive will make a comeback.
You wonder if the little things in life that made you who you are will have you once again dreaming to the stars.
You wonder if you will feel less empty hearted.
You wonder to yourself who holds the match to start that fire.
You're tired of running and losing your breath.
You want to hold tight to something that will help you once again enjoy the journey into lives amazing treks.
You want to feel that every day can be better than the last.
You want to turn your lost soul feeling into a thing of your past.....