deepundergroundpoetry.com
Augusts' porch
Mason jar full of lemonade;
loaded like light was lying
with junipers' bite, is set
on the table to the right.
Mid afternoon now
been up since three.
It started about a month ago
waking up with the sun,
then in the last ten days or so
it has gotten earlier.
The lamp from the living room
is wired through the window, out
to the porch. No bother returning
it, there is a new drawing started
and the sun punches in far too late
when an artist remembers his name.
A sense of getting closer; while wideness
doubles down on dividing its' own cells,
declares squatters rights on the porch
of the old farmhouse.
One of the last remaining
cigarettes, is rolled to accompany a mason jar
full of lemonade, that has the bottom of a Rubens'
woman, singing baritone in the basement.
loaded like light was lying
with junipers' bite, is set
on the table to the right.
Mid afternoon now
been up since three.
It started about a month ago
waking up with the sun,
then in the last ten days or so
it has gotten earlier.
The lamp from the living room
is wired through the window, out
to the porch. No bother returning
it, there is a new drawing started
and the sun punches in far too late
when an artist remembers his name.
A sense of getting closer; while wideness
doubles down on dividing its' own cells,
declares squatters rights on the porch
of the old farmhouse.
One of the last remaining
cigarettes, is rolled to accompany a mason jar
full of lemonade, that has the bottom of a Rubens'
woman, singing baritone in the basement.
Published 5th Aug 2013
| Edited 6th Aug 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
5th Aug 2013 4:03am
It is a fat bottomed yellow poem. Wide and heavy but yellow all the same. Oxymoron and contrast heavy light, inside lamps run outside.
It is good to remember something, your self being high up onthe list of important ones. Some of the times you just have to get up and get the jump on the other shit that makes you forget.
Keep it up man, even when people don't seem to comment it doesn't mean you're headed down the wrong path, it just means that it's your own path.
It is good to remember something, your self being high up onthe list of important ones. Some of the times you just have to get up and get the jump on the other shit that makes you forget.
Keep it up man, even when people don't seem to comment it doesn't mean you're headed down the wrong path, it just means that it's your own path.
5th Aug 2013 12:24pm
Thanks Steve, for the thoughts...yeah man, the figuring myself out thing,- for like ten years "figuring myself out" meant fucking up, or being lazy. last year, and last 6 months particularly I am healthy, happier, just better than I have been in a while.
Eh the comments, thanks for saying that. it is tough sometimes to get little feedback, but I just keep punching... You know, as do I, that one or two meaningful comments trump a hundred "its great"'s. I have noticed that the less you are in the forums and chatting and socializing here in general, the less notice you receive
Again, thanks Steve
Eh the comments, thanks for saying that. it is tough sometimes to get little feedback, but I just keep punching... You know, as do I, that one or two meaningful comments trump a hundred "its great"'s. I have noticed that the less you are in the forums and chatting and socializing here in general, the less notice you receive
Again, thanks Steve
The lamp from the living room
is wired through the window, out
to the porch. No bother returning
it, there is a new drawing started
and the sun punches in far too late
when an artist remembers his name.
So much depth to this, I'm not completely sure I caught what exactly it was you trying to get across. No matter though, that's the beauty of writing. We can all take our own perceptions from it and find an individual conclusion. It's in the love category but I find it uplifting. What I got from it was a man watching as the days past lonesome. Waking up to watch the sunsets, as you described, then finally finding an inspiration to move on. I can see how a lover could have that effect on someone though.
What I quoted is what I drew that conclusion from. Very interesting style, sorry if I got the wrong impression though haha.
is wired through the window, out
to the porch. No bother returning
it, there is a new drawing started
and the sun punches in far too late
when an artist remembers his name.
So much depth to this, I'm not completely sure I caught what exactly it was you trying to get across. No matter though, that's the beauty of writing. We can all take our own perceptions from it and find an individual conclusion. It's in the love category but I find it uplifting. What I got from it was a man watching as the days past lonesome. Waking up to watch the sunsets, as you described, then finally finding an inspiration to move on. I can see how a lover could have that effect on someone though.
What I quoted is what I drew that conclusion from. Very interesting style, sorry if I got the wrong impression though haha.
6th Aug 2013 7:50pm
thank you sincerely ms.6 for getting an impression, taking the time to read and give your feedback. Much appreciated.
Trust me, i'm not completely sure what it is that I am trying to get across either... Been playing with metaphor, the literal, and the abstract and where they exist, and if they can exist as different facets to the same voice. I'll have to get back to ya on if I think that I am getting answers to these things
Trust me, i'm not completely sure what it is that I am trying to get across either... Been playing with metaphor, the literal, and the abstract and where they exist, and if they can exist as different facets to the same voice. I'll have to get back to ya on if I think that I am getting answers to these things
7th Aug 2013 2:52am
I'm jealous, I don't know how you got such a feeling of melancholy and feeling from the image of a mason jar, if I did I'd probably be a much better poet. I've tried and failed to capture the atmosphere and emotion in moments like this, I always got the atmosphere but not the emotion. The only part that seemed a bit out of place for me was the word 'wideness', I first read it as wildness (made me think of fallen gold leaves on the porch) spelling mistake or just over my head? 'When the artist remembers his name' struck a chord with me. Anyways enough rambling, props on a great write! :)
7th Aug 2013 5:26pm
DM, thank you kindly.
You know the wideness thing didn't work completely for me either, so I appreciate your thoughts, and have been considering how to smooth it out. Cheers
You know the wideness thing didn't work completely for me either, so I appreciate your thoughts, and have been considering how to smooth it out. Cheers
