slowly giving up...

Tears threaten to spill over, every second of my day.
For any reason.
Happy.
Sad.
Anxious.
They are always so close.

I feel so hopeless.
Aimlessly navigating my way through each day.
My only goal to make it to the next.
Its exhausting.
Unfulfilling
And by no means easy.

I torture myself unwittingly.
Replaying events in my mind.
Longing for something that is no longer there.
Trying to pinpoint the moment I lost it.
Obsessing.
Why didn't I see?

Every minute is a battle to keep my head above water.
To not give in to temptation.
To love myself enough not to drag that blade across my skin.
The only thing that gives me comfort.
Only way to express my internal anguish.
Isn't healthy.
Physically.
Mentally.
Detrimental.

I am becoming more reclusive.
Leaving the house less and less.
Shutting out the world.
Finding it increasingly more difficult to get out of bed.
To function.
To breathe.
To live.