deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sophism
I'll tell you why I don't deserve to win
because I really don't deserve to win
I am the alpha and omega of failure
seriously
because if I've won, it means that someone, who was actually supposed to win,
didn't
If you think that I am the king of losers then you are wrong
I lose even there
it's true, losers have champions
I'm not one of them
I am the key to my downfall
when clouds in summer pass by over head, it only rains on me
even in the company of others with me
this is the glory of my being,
to deposit checks only to watch them bounce
do not grow sympathetic towards my words,
the fallacies of sophists are all the fad these days
my poetry is quite literally a fluke,
meant to soothe the boorish eyes and ears
of those who don't know better
simply, a child's rant to whoever is listening
A tantrum unchecked
fodder for credulous cattle,
you will not buy
my victory here would mean my destruction
most certainly, the heartbreak of someone who has hoped for the opposite
I, the tragic son of fate and loss, am destined to wed grief
I beg you to see truth,
not reason
for if I deserve to lose and I don't, then let me win so I don't.
because I really don't deserve to win
I am the alpha and omega of failure
seriously
because if I've won, it means that someone, who was actually supposed to win,
didn't
If you think that I am the king of losers then you are wrong
I lose even there
it's true, losers have champions
I'm not one of them
I am the key to my downfall
when clouds in summer pass by over head, it only rains on me
even in the company of others with me
this is the glory of my being,
to deposit checks only to watch them bounce
do not grow sympathetic towards my words,
the fallacies of sophists are all the fad these days
my poetry is quite literally a fluke,
meant to soothe the boorish eyes and ears
of those who don't know better
simply, a child's rant to whoever is listening
A tantrum unchecked
fodder for credulous cattle,
you will not buy
my victory here would mean my destruction
most certainly, the heartbreak of someone who has hoped for the opposite
I, the tragic son of fate and loss, am destined to wed grief
I beg you to see truth,
not reason
for if I deserve to lose and I don't, then let me win so I don't.
Published 16th Jul 2013
| Edited 30th Aug 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 1
comments 26
reads 1076
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Jul 2013 8:00pm
"Do not grow sympathetic towards my words, the fallacies of sophists are all the fad these days
my poetry is literally a fluke, meant to soothe the unfashioned eyes and ears"
^^^ and oh how my eyes and ears have been soothe by your words! ;)
Incredible ink luv! Xo
my poetry is literally a fluke, meant to soothe the unfashioned eyes and ears"
^^^ and oh how my eyes and ears have been soothe by your words! ;)
Incredible ink luv! Xo
16th Jul 2013 8:28pm
you missed the line after.... that completes the sentence :P
you might re write your comment, no matter ;)
thanks anyways
you might re write your comment, no matter ;)
thanks anyways
16th Jul 2013 8:53pm
18th Jul 2013 2:12am
Anonymous
16th Jul 2013 8:33pm
Don't care what you say - this is good poetry.
So there! =P
So there! =P
16th Jul 2013 8:37pm
Anonymous
16th Jul 2013 9:46pm
Very well done
with wordcraft and wordplay
Good luck on the competition
This is a winner
Peace
Kitty
with wordcraft and wordplay
Good luck on the competition
This is a winner
Peace
Kitty
18th Jul 2013 2:14am
Anonymous
- Edited 9th Nov 2018 2:45pm
17th Jul 2013 4:48am
<< post removed >>
18th Jul 2013 2:15am
it's really quite easy twisting and turning when you dont feel anything...
as for the words... im just glad my mind didnt go blank when the time came :P
thank you
as for the words... im just glad my mind didnt go blank when the time came :P
thank you
17th Jul 2013 6:39am
18th Jul 2013 2:17am
so you know... fine i was reading freud when this happened... there... now you see the truth! :P
yup yup, competition... the one where you dont deserve to win... :D
yup yup, competition... the one where you dont deserve to win... :D
17th Jul 2013 7:37am
all the threads tied tight,entangled severely ..only to release, well?..ahh finally but sense a breath of relief in what you stress to implore truth:) a sorta spiralling in & out write, good job.
18th Jul 2013 2:19am
18th Jul 2013 2:21am
20th Jul 2013 5:55am
You are the blessed son and destined to court happiness...
Very well written ! You deserve to win <3
20th Jul 2013 6:59am
27th Jul 2013 6:10pm
27th Jul 2013 10:52pm
15th Aug 2013 5:11am
'to deposit checks only to watch them bounce'
the magic lied here in lines of course,thanks for the read.
the magic lied here in lines of course,thanks for the read.
I like this very much. There are a couple of spots that need work and I only mention them because I like it.
"even if I'm right next to someone" loses the tone of the rest. Not as poetic as the rest of it. I would re-word it.
"essence of my core" it may be redundant. If you keep both I think it would be the "core of my essence" instead.
"unfashioned eyes and ears" I think that the poem can be unfashioned, but the ears should be unfashionable, uncultured, uncouth or some other word because unfashioned implies something not properly built.
The " the fallacies of ..." and the " meant to soothe..." should both start as new lines.
"Cattle fodder for mass cattle" is redundant. At least remove the first "cattle." "Mass" should probably change to "penned" "Brute" "lowing" or any other word that does not simply imply the concept of "group." That is what the metaphor of cattle is already doing.
"Court" and "implore" are deliberately "poetic" they are not in keeping with the direct language you are using in the rest of the poem. It's honesty and the confessional language are it's strength.I know it's sophistry but you don't want to switch styles a few lines from the end.
Sure I babbled a lot(in fact I'm out of words for the day), but I think it would be one of your stronger poems if you put some more editing back into it.
"even if I'm right next to someone" loses the tone of the rest. Not as poetic as the rest of it. I would re-word it.
"essence of my core" it may be redundant. If you keep both I think it would be the "core of my essence" instead.
"unfashioned eyes and ears" I think that the poem can be unfashioned, but the ears should be unfashionable, uncultured, uncouth or some other word because unfashioned implies something not properly built.
The " the fallacies of ..." and the " meant to soothe..." should both start as new lines.
"Cattle fodder for mass cattle" is redundant. At least remove the first "cattle." "Mass" should probably change to "penned" "Brute" "lowing" or any other word that does not simply imply the concept of "group." That is what the metaphor of cattle is already doing.
"Court" and "implore" are deliberately "poetic" they are not in keeping with the direct language you are using in the rest of the poem. It's honesty and the confessional language are it's strength.I know it's sophistry but you don't want to switch styles a few lines from the end.
Sure I babbled a lot(in fact I'm out of words for the day), but I think it would be one of your stronger poems if you put some more editing back into it.
30th Aug 2013 11:25am
30th Aug 2013 11:42am
