deepundergroundpoetry.com
The reason
The Reason
The memories flooding back when you say hi. It's like the hit of the first rain drop; which brings thousands of rain drops that create a rain storm.
The reason why I love you, shines when you smile. Like a sun sending its first sunbeam of light to the darken city lighting it up with joy and happiness.
You, my dear are the reason why I put my right foot in front of my left. The reason to keep striving to be yours once again; to feel alive again.
Your touch brings me alive; it starts with the heart and ignites the blood, like the fire ignites the firework setting it off in the night sky creating light in the sky.
I'm just a corpse walking amongst the living, a corpse with a fake smile, a fake laugh. A corpse that wants to feel alive again, to feel alive again, to feel that love I once knew.
I've been trying to move on, but love I'm still listening for your voice to call me back.
The memories flooding back when you say hi. It's like the hit of the first rain drop; which brings thousands of rain drops that create a rain storm.
The reason why I love you, shines when you smile. Like a sun sending its first sunbeam of light to the darken city lighting it up with joy and happiness.
You, my dear are the reason why I put my right foot in front of my left. The reason to keep striving to be yours once again; to feel alive again.
Your touch brings me alive; it starts with the heart and ignites the blood, like the fire ignites the firework setting it off in the night sky creating light in the sky.
I'm just a corpse walking amongst the living, a corpse with a fake smile, a fake laugh. A corpse that wants to feel alive again, to feel alive again, to feel that love I once knew.
I've been trying to move on, but love I'm still listening for your voice to call me back.
Published 12th Jul 2013
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
13th Jul 2013 8:07am
The initial idea pulled me here, I would dive more deeply into the waters of the analogies you began... e.g. " The first rain drop, opening the doors to a skyfall of rain, foreshadowing the downpour that will soon follow. "
I like your phrases "ignites the blood" I also like your firework analogy, but I would replace "fire" with a different word... like spark or flame.
"The spark that ignites the firework, setting it off into the night sky and filling the air with incandescent color"
I hope you don't mind the honest advice, I like the sentiments expressed.
I like your phrases "ignites the blood" I also like your firework analogy, but I would replace "fire" with a different word... like spark or flame.
"The spark that ignites the firework, setting it off into the night sky and filling the air with incandescent color"
I hope you don't mind the honest advice, I like the sentiments expressed.
14th Jul 2013 12:01pm
I don't mind at all!(: its how i gt better, i will update this soon and put more detail in to it. Thank you for the ideas i will make them in my own word and ideas.
Thank you for your honest opinion!
Thank you for your honest opinion!
