thoughts

troubled thoughts rage across my mind
i hear the pain of my past disappointments
i feel the tears that they rip into my soul
i lust for death, dismemberment, intoxication
anything to make me forget, to forgive, to die
but even here with thoughts of suicide
i have never felt more alive

i see you as you walk in the room
i see what you are wearing
i dismiss it
i undress you in my mind
caress your smooth skin with my imagination
teasing you
teasing me
diction is done with the tip of the tongue and the teeth
my tongue and teeth have better things to occupy my time
your skin
nipples
why jump straight to fingers
i can make a game of this
i always win

come back to my place tonight
i know at least three things we can do
more if you remain insistent
on keeping your clothes on your person
what is the point of beating around the bush
unless you wish to see what lies underneath
i suppose you could just shave the bush

i don't think i'm drunk enough yet
why don't i come back later
if i remember any of this night
i'm sure i should be ashamed
but then again i've never been really good at shame