my mind

You know the scene..
Driving through the gates
At the city dump.
A messy array of.. stuff
Pristine filth against
Skies of deepest emerald blue,
And azure.
Traverse one heep to see another.
Vision obscured
By sight unseen.
As far as the eyes can see.
Hills upon hills Upon heeps,
Of the garbage man's
Keepsakes...

Single armed, headless dolls
Once intact,
And adored,
And idolized as a young child's
Bestest friend...

A sofa...
Torn and tattered.
One that once sat,
Brand new and beautiful
In a newlywed couple's
Sitting room
Until the day that their boisterous
Labrador
Discovered that it tasted
Better than it looked...

An old refrigerator that once housed a young
Entrepreneur's
Money making creation
Of a special cupcake
That inspired a
Multi-million dollar bakery.

Mile after mile
Of millions of tons
Of billions of pieces of once sentimental crap..

Each piece representing
A single thought
That compiles
Within this busy mind of mine..

Stress induces
A quagmire of thoughts
That blinds me to the things
Most important to me,
Which manifests more stress...

Like sitting cozy
In a barber's chair
Between two mirrors
Staring into infinity
Personified by this "catch 22"

Rock and a hard place?
More like,
Between a mountain and hardened,
Reinforced steel.
The conundrum of an
"Attention deficit"
    .....Of frustration...
A disorder believed by some,
Fictitious,
Known by me to be a pain in the ass,
And painfully legitimate...
Legitimate enough that,
In hindsight,
This man,
Your "humble narrator" sees
The repercussions of his
Split second decisions
Reflected in the tears,
Streaming fluid in a tiny
Salty riverbed upon
Her beautifully angelic,
Deeply hurt face.

For, every single drop
Of liquid emotion
Secreted from my lover's
Beautiful brown,
Windows to her soul,
I feel the sharpest of pain
Deep within my heart.
Doubly so when in painful realization
Of my faults
Which brought on  such a release
Of emotion.
It hurts so bad
That I scream to the heavens
For the solace found in
Sound mind...

And,
As the unrelenting
 "billion mosquito swarm"
Of thoughts
Bombards and molests
My non-tranquil mind,
The solace I yearn,
Beg for
And need,
Never comes.

Stuck in a drowning pool of thought,
Lips barely breach the surface
Trying unsuccessfully
To draw in the sweetest
Oxygen of relief.
I fear that another minuscule,
Fraction of an inch,
Deeper,
And I will pull
A lung full of liquid thought,
And drown.

And,
As I struggle to remain afloat,
Liquid thought infiltrates
First my mouth,
And then my nostrils.
And as I hold my breath,
And...
With every lashing of my arms,
And my legs to remain above,
I feel myself sinking,
Deeper...
And deeper...
Dizzy, and getting moreso,
The lack of oxygen "sanity"
My lungs release
Their final gasp,
And deep,
And swift,
I inhale my last.

Right as I feel
The searing "electric heat" pain
Of liquid unrest
Filling my lungs,
My mind thinks it's last,
And I feel my soul departing
From it's earthly tomb,
The mind "non-tranquil's"
Final thoughts,
Are too cluttered to discern...

Deep within a distraught
Busy mind
This man, knows not
What to feel.

Inside my skin,
I feel like a man

About to bust at the seams
For,
I know what I need,
Lacking severely
The ability to achieve my goals.

A tranquil mind...
Release from a prison cell
With bars of non-stop...
Thought....

Imprisoned,
This poet takes form,
To write of his Queen,
And insanity,
In a desperate attempt
To keep his sanity?

"Tune in for the new episode of...
A mad man's writes"
Brought to you by 'Ritalin Vonder Bread'
Now in H.D."