A Team Effort

Thick grey lines block my view
To the rest of the world around me
A sneak peek; a glimpse; a preview
Myself behind steel bars
Locked in a grey cage
Like the monster I am
Time to flip the page
When I change
Where I evolve into the beast
The one who looks so pleased
For now
But how long can it last
Without the tears of it's victims
The lullaby of bones breaking
The melody of begging and screaming
The bath of blood

I feel it
Inside me
Clawing to be free
Scraping
Cutting
Peeling
At my insides
Layer by layer
What's more painful?
Holding it back
Or knowing that 
She is me

I want to let it free
I want to seek revenge
To feel their insides 
Between my fingers
To lick the blood 
Of my enemies
I want to hear the screams
Begging for mercy
I want to be the monster
The one that scares others
That make them think twice

No it's wrong 
It's not right
Two wrongs
Don't make the world
Go round; it fucks
With the balance 
That monster isn't me
That is all my built up anger
A little piece of 
Every demon in my past
Some kind of hybrid
Thirsty for pain
Whether it's mine 
Or others; it doesn't care
I can't let it hurt people
So I guess my silent screams
Will have to do
The blood of my cuts
This is the diet 
Now I have to stick to it

But what about one slip?
I have done so good
My legs are proof
Or what is left of them
I have been through so much
Just one spill
Let me treat myself
Splurge?

Make others feel the pain
That I feel every second 
Of everyday; that hole
That dark cavity 
It can't be fixed
But it can be filled
With the salty tears
And the metallic blood
Of my victims
Of my aftermath
The manipulation
The emotional turmoil
The snap of my fingers
And another one is hung
The noose got too tempting

No they are my friends

You don't have friends

Yes I do they care about me

They are using you

No they wouldn't 

Like you use them
To feel normal

That's different!

Why

Because ... 

It's not. And you have to hurt them before they hurt you. The one who cares the most is the weakest wouldn't you agree?

Well, yes I suppose, they would be more hurt than the others.

Do you want to be more screwed up? 

No. But-

But I am right. Sweetie don't let them trick you, we all have monsters but why should you have to suffer? Why should you be the angel among the filth? Don't you want to get a little dirty? It will feel better than the cuts. I promise.

Better? Really? It is unfair. I deserve to splurge. I deserve to release my pain.

And after you will feel better, you will be able too finally sleep. Converse without clenched teeth. Just let loose and let me take control. Sound okay?

That sounds too good to be true! Oh thank you, Ms. Monster!

It was the both of us honey.