To: Kirsten

think, no
remember
my smoke perfume
my delicious champagne blood
always fat with fever
a vast dark liquid
almost like coffee

you say my embrace is like ice
a marble sister, frozen angel
I ask
are you wild?
do you miss my blazing voice?
why do you haunt secret shadows
when I'd show you my soul?
open my night,
clean naked breath, warm magic?
which will you answer?

born to a sad rhythm, you and I
never kissed the concrete sky,
we made our lives around it.
rain drowns our blood
runs down our cheeks
mixing the rest of our universe that lingers there,
into caramel candy.
you ask me to sing for you.

when I was a real girl
before I devoured stars
and learned the dimensions of my steel cage,
I would eat green, wet apples
and dream of cinnimon kisses
sailing on the breeze of eternity.


then like a needle
fear pierced my gut
drained everything that was
tainting my belly.
I fought to save you,
and to kill you.
I didn't want to be alone,
trudging through the snow.
I long for your trust.

my color seeps away and paints you
shades of red, health.
I fight the bugs that want to eat your smile.
you wear your vibrancy with disdain.

my lips turn blue, and nails sweat
but I smile for you,
feeding the parasites.
I'd die for you.

at first,
when the lonliness was fresh,
I asked you, in delusioned terror
to help me.
then when the spider bit and I was poisoned,
I pushed you from the web.

I hide in silence
so you won't see my bones
my yellowed flesh.
with blackened nails I write my apology.
with hidden guilt
I embrace your acceptance
and you shiver.

I promise on my broken grave,
I'll sing forever
if you keep me warm