None

I honestly used to want nothing more than recognition; I craved people looking at anything that I did and say something like "Hey! This is amazing!" That's all I really wanted. I didn't write for artistry, I wrote to be adored (like it really did me any good, I'm still where I was a year ago). When I was younger, I used to be all about being "a non-conformist", "an independent", now look at me. Hypocrisy. Not at it's finest, there are those who are worse than me, but I'm still a pretty decent example. I suppose that this, in a sense, is my "coming out". I'm tired of being something that I'm not and not only as an artist or a poet, as a person. I'm a fake and a fraud. Everyone that I know now is a fake and a fraud. I almost want to blame it all on them, that it's their fault that I fell into line, but I suppose taking responsibility is something that grown-ups do and that's what I'm trying to be. Now I just don't have the drive or motivation to step out and march to the beat of my own drum anymore. I hate myself, but I'm too lazy to change it, maybe that comes with age. I'm beginning to think that being like everyone else comes with age most of the time too.


Here is the past year or so of my life summed up. Recently a friend of mine pointed out to me that I had changed, and maybe not for the better. My intention was to "grow up" but maybe I wasn't exactly ready. Maybe I'm still not ready. I'm sorry, Sam.