HIV 11 - 1990  (1990; San Diego, California)  

   
i am the autumn      
       of fallen sparrows      
of drying bones      
       of hopes faded breath      
of cold  gray days      
       like this      
of suns sparkle gone      
       i am the path      
that veers off    
       away from all life      
diminishing into      
       this new darkness      
i have never known      
       before until now      
void of all dance and song      
       towards some sad      
lost  permanent stillness      
       where even now      
subliminal ravens seem to be      
       following me home      
more and more each day      
       symbolically        
in my thoughts      
       lucidly in my dreams      
that is  whenever      
       im able to sleep      
or dream at all      
       for more and more      
each night  i feel      
       my soul  turning me      
hard and slow      
       in these ever        
tightening circles      
       like a broken keel      
in this ever deepening      
       ever darkening      
direction  tighter  
       and tighter still  
into what appears      
       to me presently      
as my own desperate      
       clinging on here      
tooth and nail      
       to this other more      
familiar side of lifes  
       precarious veil  
where im not so sure      
       just yet  whether its      
more a comfort      
       or a fear to me      
to be thinking      
       and wondering now      
if this threshold      
       to which im        
fast approaching        
       is the springboard      
into divine love      
       light  
and eternal  
       peace    
or is it  
       perhaps  
only the final      
       end point  
doorway    
       into dark  
empty  
       nothingness  
into nowhere    
      but an  
absolute state  
       of non being  
total  forever  
       non existence  
still pulling me  
       ever more
closely each day  
       more  
deeply into  
       the inescapable  
spiraling vortex  
       of it s  
all consuming  
       dark throat s  
mysterious  
       unyielding  
black hole s  
       final  
and complete  
       erasure
of me
       of all
we know
       and
don t