October

I sink into an October mindset, the universe dissolving  
into fragments of gold, brown, and red, and red, and red.
Caffeine stained days pass without hindrance, I’ll live tomorrow.  
Eyes are the window to the soul, though when I look in the mirror  
my pupils are always encased in a saturated darkness.  
The sun doesn't rise in there,
and who can blame her?
 
I woke cold, with the door swinging comically wide open.
Relief, fear, anger, disappointment.  
Him, again.  
He comes when he wishes, sometimes unwelcome,
never caring too much.  
Familiar. My familiar.
His chest rests sunken, the ship wrecked eternally,
no unearthing this one up from the corals.
Clutching a cup of tea with disconcerting strength,
he made eye contact with me, his irises alight.
"Go away, go away, go away"
And then he left.
 
They said with saddened faces, drooped with practiced ease:
"It's a normal stage of mourning, dear".
The months and years passed, and he never visited.
Come back, come back, come back
Gold, and brown, filtering out of the landscape,
leaving red, and red, and red.