deepundergroundpoetry.com
I'm The Past
I wish you wanted me in your arms still.
But, you never will.
You have moved on.
In your head, the memories are gone.
You're the one that got away.
I couldn't beg you to stay.
I'm no longer in your heart.
Too many things ripped us apart.
We'll never go back to the way we were.
What are we wasting our time for?
Everyone tried to pull me away from you.
Obviously, I was the one that didn't know the truth.
I'm all alone now.
Being with you, I felt more alone. I don't know how.
You were never there.
I guess that life's not fair.
You don't know what love is.
The thing you let go is this.
No one will love you like I did.
All the sweet things I said were a little over did.
How can I go on?
We have such a strong bond.
Maybe, we moved a little too fast.
Now, I'm being left in the past.
But, you never will.
You have moved on.
In your head, the memories are gone.
You're the one that got away.
I couldn't beg you to stay.
I'm no longer in your heart.
Too many things ripped us apart.
We'll never go back to the way we were.
What are we wasting our time for?
Everyone tried to pull me away from you.
Obviously, I was the one that didn't know the truth.
I'm all alone now.
Being with you, I felt more alone. I don't know how.
You were never there.
I guess that life's not fair.
You don't know what love is.
The thing you let go is this.
No one will love you like I did.
All the sweet things I said were a little over did.
How can I go on?
We have such a strong bond.
Maybe, we moved a little too fast.
Now, I'm being left in the past.
Published 7th Jun 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Jun 2013 10:24pm
7th Jun 2013 10:23pm
Lyrically, I like this piece. However, been as you are looking for honest critique I must say that a full stop at the end of almost every sentence is really not needed. Infact it detracts from my enjoyment of the piece. This may be something to bare in mind for future writes.
The rhyme scheme also seems a little forced in places. There's a fine line between making something that rhymes and sounds good, and just making words rhyme together.
In terms of positive - I like the sentiment in this, you can tell this is a heartfelt subject.
Thank you for the read.
The rhyme scheme also seems a little forced in places. There's a fine line between making something that rhymes and sounds good, and just making words rhyme together.
In terms of positive - I like the sentiment in this, you can tell this is a heartfelt subject.
Thank you for the read.
7th Jun 2013 10:31pm
