Head Fuck Of Universal Proportion

If we were never more than a thought and all we saw was illusion, from what point of observation were we viewing the information, if we didn't really exist?

If we are all in fact one consciousness experiencing itself via individual soul concept, how does the energy transfer from sense of self to total awareness when we leave our physical bodies?

If we are spirit born into this physical body from an all knowing non judgemental mind, why would we torture ourselves with such a limited perception?

If we are such a consuming, polluting race, is it possible we are a bacteria, a parasite, raping every natural resource our planet has to offer, or on a grander scale a bacteria that infects its own life force, from which we were conceived?

As much as I try to be a spiritual being, attempting to accept all of us as one and the gift of life as a beautiful blessing, I can't help thinking that death is not the escape we all think it is and that no one is tending to that light at the end of the tunnel.

I believe in so many things, all of which seem to contradict each other at some point, rendering those things as partly factual information. Does anything exist outside of the current reality, we are viewing at any point in time, or is it only a thought or belief it exists until we actually view it?

If we are really just a vibrational frequency, vibrating sympathetically within this reality, then it must be a very violent sounding symphony, with all the mixture of dark, light, fence sitters and alternate points of observing? No wonder we all fucking hate each other, we are all floating around like musical notes bumping into each other all the time, all the while trying to decode and decipher the universe with the limitation of language and using tools created by consciousness to measure consciousness. That's just fucking ridiculous.