My Life Is Like A Country Song

My Life is like a country song.
My boyfriend has a small ding dong.
My goldfish died, so did my dog.
I hate "Mr. Needlecock" but love my hog.
I got sick off stale Moon Pies & Moonshine
and my bed sheets smell like pissy turpentine with a bouquet of dead porcupine.
My Aunt Bertha is really my nephew, Ronnie-Bob.
He goes to the proctologist looking for love and a "lube job."
My first cousins got married.......to each other.
"Tweezer Meat," I just want to sit on his face and smother.
Brother Lou is constipated and needs to take a big poo.
And sister Myrtle is addicted to that little freak, Honey Boo-Boo.
Little Dick gave me the crabbies.
So I returned the favor and gave him scabbies.......plus rabies.

Yeah, My life is one big sad George Jones song.

What the fuck else could go wrong?