deepundergroundpoetry.com
Walls
If these walls could talk they would tell all my secrets, how I long to hold you, how I long for you to touch me, taste me, move with my body....deepest desires I want to experience with only you kisses, pushing yourself into me... oh how I wish these walls would tell you my secrets....
By R Fuller 11/4/2010[/font]
By R Fuller 11/4/2010[/font]
Published 4th Nov 2010
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Nov 2010 9:16pm
5th Nov 2010 3:09pm
...cliches.
If these walls could talk
tell all my secrets
how i long to hold you
i long for you to touch me
deepest desires
oh how i wish
These are short-hand expressions, to be used very very infrequently in creative writing. You need to find 'your' voice, find 'your' way of saying these things to the reader in a new way...unless the heavy use of cliches was your intention? To make it pop you have to find ways of expressing what is, let's face it, a heavily overworked topic.
Only my 2 cents, and perfectly reasonable for you to ignore, since other have found pleasure in the piece...but it would be cool to hear this told in the slang of your hometown, rather than 'poet speak'...
If these walls could talk
tell all my secrets
how i long to hold you
i long for you to touch me
deepest desires
oh how i wish
These are short-hand expressions, to be used very very infrequently in creative writing. You need to find 'your' voice, find 'your' way of saying these things to the reader in a new way...unless the heavy use of cliches was your intention? To make it pop you have to find ways of expressing what is, let's face it, a heavily overworked topic.
Only my 2 cents, and perfectly reasonable for you to ignore, since other have found pleasure in the piece...but it would be cool to hear this told in the slang of your hometown, rather than 'poet speak'...
5th Nov 2010 3:08pm
15th Nov 2010 2:04am
15th Nov 2010 9:05pm
