I Don't Even Know....

I still like you
though I like another who
has been with me a while
though he now just seems to get me riled.
I almost want to let it end
so that I won't have to send
him messages untrue
just because I like you.
He would hate me so
and probably call me a hoe.
I am still rather shy
and I know I would cry.
He says he loves me
but he's been mad lately.
He hasn't said a word
so I'm scared of who shall get hurt.
I don't want to hurt him
but I hear so many things from them.
He rarely wants me around anymore
that is something I know for sure.
I don't know what to do now
or at this point how
to choose between two
something old or something new.
It's actually quite hard
to pull out this shard
of thought in my mind
and it doesn't heal with time.
My thoughts are filled
of what the future yields.
He may end it without a doubt
but I guess I'll soon find out.
I will soon know the truth
and if I should be with you.
My best friend says you like me
and this is something I'm starting to see.
Maybe you do
but I don't truly know who
you like at all
but I can't continue to stall
for the time
that isn't mine.
That I've used
so I wouldn't have to tell you
something that may seem like a mind grenade
is that I have liked you since the second grade.
You never even knew
cause I'm the one who
is never noticed
and gains no focus.
I wanted to tell you last year
when, as friends, we grew nearer.
You were a good friend
so I was scared to end
that wonderful friendship
by saying I wanted a relationship.
I wanted you to see
what was truly me.
We're getting to know each other
at least a little bit better.
I know we aren't quite done
but it'd be better as one.
As a cute couple
whose laughter would double.
I smile at the thought
of your face that ought
to be his
but never truly is.
Your brown eyes
instead of his green eyes
brown straight hair
with not a single curl there
slender and small
rather than bulky and tall.
All of the things
that used to bring
a smile or laugh
are no longer that.
He wanted me close
but it didn't work so
he's pushing me away
without having to say
a single word
that could hurt.
You stand waiting
patiently waiting
for me to leave
that safe reprieve
to go to you
the guy who
would pay attention
and actually listen
to what I say
right away.
I don't know what's right
but I'll know before tomorrow night.
I may cry
so be close by.
Help me out
and leave no doubt
that I should be with you
cause I really want to....