Contradicting love

Mixed emotions, feelings
Never knew what it felt like to love but also hate
Loved because of a beautiful history,
A beautiful past
Hated because I saw no future,
Nothing good to come
I loved you more than anything which is why leaving would almost seem hard,
Impossible
Even though I felt the contradicting feelings of love and hate

These feelings were like happiness and sorrow
Which is exactly how I felt with you
And how I would feel if our relationship was never defined

Life and death,
Because I'm only alive when I'm with you
Without you, well without you I wouldn't be able to write this.
Without you I wouldn't be able to feel these feelings
Without you I wouldn't be able to feel alive.