deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Birds and the Trees
Admiring leaves, watching as birds sing;
Being envious of their unbroken wings.
Limbs,
That I want more than-- anything. The
Ability to fly, the ability to leave
Whenever I’d like.
Wishing for the impunity of birds,
For a life seeming more pertinent than ours.
Daydreaming of the freedom offered by branches,
Trees reaching out like hands and,
Providing me silent access to pavement
Leading me to something stable,
Relevant.
Helping hands, to which I’ll escape with.
Listening as the free birds sing,
Performing, conducting beautiful music
The soundtrack to my last chance, to
Another attempt to circumvent that
Which binds me to this --
[ Addiction ]
Proven to be insurmountable, remaining
Undefeated.
Being envious of their unbroken wings.
Limbs,
That I want more than-- anything. The
Ability to fly, the ability to leave
Whenever I’d like.
Wishing for the impunity of birds,
For a life seeming more pertinent than ours.
Daydreaming of the freedom offered by branches,
Trees reaching out like hands and,
Providing me silent access to pavement
Leading me to something stable,
Relevant.
Helping hands, to which I’ll escape with.
Listening as the free birds sing,
Performing, conducting beautiful music
The soundtrack to my last chance, to
Another attempt to circumvent that
Which binds me to this --
[ Addiction ]
Proven to be insurmountable, remaining
Undefeated.
Published 27th Apr 2013
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likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 5
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The author encourages honest critique.
27th Apr 2013 10:12am
What more to say..beautiful@wikipediajunkie...the poem as well. hashtag winkyface..
28th Apr 2013 3:49am
28th Apr 2013 10:57am
I love this, it really shows passion and the way you write really inspires me :)
28th Apr 2013 11:12pm
2nd May 2014 2:05am
This has a good flow to it without relying too heavily on rhyme to carry it. The flow is broken a little when you get to the word conducting, and all of a sudden I feel slowed down by that word, like it gets stuck in my throat even though I'm not speaking the poem out loud. This part should seem light and breezy, so perhaps a different word would work better here?
It picks right back up with it's flow in the very next line though, which I think is my favorite part. There might be a grammar issue with "another attempt to circumvent that which binds me to this" (the 'that/this' part) but I really like it anyway.
"Helping hands--to which I will escape with" is awkward and should probably read as one of the following two:
Helping hands--to which I escape
or
Helping hands which I will escape with
At the end, I suggest trying another word than insurmountable. It's personal preference, but the word seems like it's one syllable too long.
This was a really enjoyable read, I feel like I got a little glimpse into your soul. Thank you for sharing.
It picks right back up with it's flow in the very next line though, which I think is my favorite part. There might be a grammar issue with "another attempt to circumvent that which binds me to this" (the 'that/this' part) but I really like it anyway.
"Helping hands--to which I will escape with" is awkward and should probably read as one of the following two:
Helping hands--to which I escape
or
Helping hands which I will escape with
At the end, I suggest trying another word than insurmountable. It's personal preference, but the word seems like it's one syllable too long.
This was a really enjoyable read, I feel like I got a little glimpse into your soul. Thank you for sharing.
