THE VOICE BEYOND

i feel i'm in a box that's getting        
tighter,      
and tighter,      
every time      
i      
breathe............      
       
its sucking the life force from my being      
but it seems i can't die      
       
so i'll just lay here      
lifeless!      
       
i'm crying as loud as i can      
but they wont hear me!        
they wont look at me!      
       
why cant you see me!!!!.......      
       
its as if i've been gone for many year's now      
like i've been forgotten!.....      
       
wait!!!!      
       
i hear the voice of my sister's        
thank god!!      
i know they will hear me,.......      
...........................      
       
       
but why are they crying?      
what are they saying,      
am i dying?      
       
FUCK!!!!!      
am i dead!!!!!      
       
ohh god....      
       
they have warned me so many times      
but i guess i never listened.      
       
i can't face them now!      
i've caused them so much pain.....      
       
i'll just stay here      
so they wont see me.      
       
i'll cry silently        
so they wont hear      
as i cry in my shame........      
...............................      
       
       
       
it's funny how i see my life at this moment ,      
from the  start to now,      
my end,      
       
i'm reliving my days as it was      
over and over again      
in my head.      
       
god!!!      
lay me to rest      
cause i can't      
my mind wont let me.      
       
i'm reliving everyday i've ever lived      
every choice i've ever made      
every love i've ever gave      
every second        
i've......        
ever,      
 wasted.......      
       
and it's going by so slowly.....      
tomorrow seems like another lifetime from now      
but i must!      
i must wait for it      
it's the only way        
i,        
can,      
 move on.      
........................      
       
       
       
IT'S COLD NOW!.....      
i can hear them going home      
       
there's no time to change anything      
not even the location of my soul.      
       
there's no friends to talk with      
this box is getting dark      
       
i see now        
only my memories      
and this song to keep me warm.      
       
       
                                  "Amazing Jah"      
                                     how sweet thou sound        
                                        your sheep is lost      
                                          find me      
                                             and take me home      
                                                           
                goodbye my family
   i love you.                                        
      .........................................
 
 
                                              
                                             in loving memories      
                                                           of                                                          
                                                     my mother      
                
                                               Reachel .B.Gardner