deepundergroundpoetry.com

quit while your still �a head

another page from the text book
let's look
at a def hook

indie folk and itty bitty pokes
always lay on your side so you don't choke
hide half your cigarettes and patheticness
in the closet chest next to the rope with the door closed
so when you wake you've got somethin to smoke

the feelin of pain is unseen
to ignorant lames and the sane
the dubious christian dissin brain
can't friggen wait
till i pass out on the couch
consumed by doubt and i don't give a fuck abouts
only shout outs to the science of silence of loudmouths
always love to lay in clouds
i can't put the shit down
drift away in the sound
of 2 fiendin hookers duct taped and bound
in the middle of my fold out couch

what happened to that war on terror needle point power play?
i left it on the tray while i was using the bedet
thas aight i don't think i paid for it anyway
when i cop i like to keep it neat
sweat runnin in beads
�a sig in the glove compartment
my big defense department
take the rig out the bible
i'm suicidal and liable
to pay for a whole semester out of pocket
and skip the finals
no tattoos that are tribal
just a dude that wished he lived in a pineapple
under the sea
another sand castle washed away right in front of me
under siege
john fell asleep
dying durin his auto biography
rot woke up and finished after the autopsy
everything i said up until now was not me

a moonshine still in a poppy field
got me here and got me ill
even when i think i've got my fill
i'll still smoke pot and pop these pills
full throttle fully auto
no care for tomorrow
i don't pop bottles
i pop toddlers
with a verbal offer to be something awful
child adjust your posture
act proper
and hopefully you can take chemistry in college

Written by johnrot

Published 25th Apr 2013

All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.

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The author encourages honest critique.

Re: quit while your still �a head

LokiOfLiterati

25th Apr 2013 5:01am

Bringing the rhyme back after dropping it is a savvy skill.

a sig in the glove compartment
my big defense department
take the rig out the bible
i'm suicidal and liable
to pay for a whole semester out of pocket

As a hypnotic hook, the rhythm device of ghost rhyme, bringing back a dropped rhyme works really well when linked with subtext threats. The image of a self-driven suicide-soldier ante'ing over his last stash to get a whole stack of knowledge during a suicidal calling? That's a death march, the 10 week semester is the prep ritual. Subtext threats add more content when underlining blunt force trauma, so it's cool to hear this emerging in your work.

Good bit to rip Comrade! It really felt like you were climbing the spiral on flipping images back from set-up expectation to hammer-line:

full throttle fully auto
no care for tomorrow
i don't pop bottles
i pop toddlers
with a verbal offer to be something awful
child adjust your posture
act proper
and hopefully you can take chemistry in college

When a battle minstrel starts threatening children, experienced bards yawn and go "So, yeah, so I was saying..." BUT... when an artist of aggression such as you Rot Rocker, flips the expectation of child-murder BACK to show a FULLY CORRUPTED COG IN THE MACHINE! A child who grows up not to age 12 and then rots... a child who grows up not to be a vigilante, horrified at the image of his parents slaying. Fuck all that Bruce Wayne shit. You presented the image of a child's best future manufacturing more... pestilence, meth, nanobots... It's a fine last line because of the college bit. Eminem slays for clichees. "I'm here to destroy your 5 year old boy or girl?" That shit isn't slick. Kids grow jaded and corrupt because of Planet Earth. Staining sepia and rusty blood for a kid's future like a drunken guidance counselor though? That's dangerous verse, Comrade. Fine work.