"Nothing for me"

Alone i'm not wanted anywhere
everybody i try to be friends with turns away
i hope and hope one day i'll find what i'm looking for
the only thing i know is that i have nowhere to go
the ones that talk bad about me i don't listen to a word they say
i long for the day that i'll have a friend to call my own
i'm so sick & tired of it just me traveling in this life all alone
noone wants to have anything to do with someone like me
dark minded & mentally challenged
thoughts are twisted & all so sinful all i do is contemplate
my heart desires are that of death & sex
i've wasted my life doing nothing but playing the game of death
i've never made any plans or set goals for myself
i'm 39 and feel like i'm 79
i'm so low to the ground i'm not recognized in the world
i have no skills,nothing to help me advance in the world
the cause of my damned life as it is,
that i have made a serious error in judgment
i know the fear i've lived in has been quite an experience
all the love i've given to people hasn't done anything for me
just made me lazy,dumb founded
leaving me completely mind stuck in this world of greed
they say life is what you make it
not everybody succeeds,the middle word in life is "if"
life is one big "if"
just the same for the middle word in pits is "it"
many times i have faced my death with noone to know
i have no positive dreams
all i've ever had worth knowing are my nightmares on lost loves
some say "life is pleasant & death is peaceful
i say "death is pleasant & supenseful
here i am spilling my minds shit out for the world to read
not that anyone will read this
i don't have any cares for continuation on this earth
for myself there are no more solutions
there aren't anymore answers
you will not understand anything i'm talking about,
unless you have been around me for some time and have witnessed
witnessed my bitterness for life
have you ever felt so alone that nothing makes sense?
i do,i feel like it's me against a world filled with greed & no love
all i give to life is tears and pessimism and alot of fake smiles
i pop these damn pills praying for my demise
the day when i no longer can feel sad & not open my eyes
the only time my mind is distracted off this unhappy feeling,
is when i'm working a full time job
those that know me i have always had trouble keeping jobs
and a great many jobs i've had
i haven't much of a life
noone cares if i "larry" lives or dies
i am a disappointment to my family,friends & myself
nobody loves me,i hate my life,i have nothing to live for
i look forward to the day when i give my final minutes of life to god
i've asked many times "where is my happy ending?
there is no happy ending for "larry"
it's too late to try & figure me out
i'm at the point of no return as my death draws near
i've never dreamed as if i'll live forever
but,i have always lived as if i'll die tomorrow
i know why there's more hate in this world than anything,
hate is easy,love takes courage
my childhood ended the moment i knew that one day i was gonna die
i'm not fit to live for i have nothing to die for
i take that back
i'll die for my friends.
the day i die & leave this world,it will be the sweetest day
then those that are my closest
will no longer have to listen or read my depressing thoughts.
it's too late for me,my mind is totally warped
my i.q. is lower than 75
all that i have racing in my head are the demons that possess me
making me talk crazy,making me addicted to these sins
sins of sex,sins of sloth,sins of suicide
lord forgive me for my disrespect
lord forgive me for all my plentiful lies.
to all of you "forgive me".