MY OWN ILLOGICAL GRAVE      

 
 
i get drunk      
a little      
earlier tonight    
in search of      
some safer      
though still      
uncertain      
yet comfortably      
familiar      
alternative level      
of equally      
questionable      
sanity    
where illogic      
can so easily      
conquer    
in practically      
no time at all    
most any state      
of intolerable      
dull  stale      
routine    
but before my      
lust gets too      
publicly visible      
i try and      
break off      
the developing      
reality of my      
inebriated      
fantasy here    
by leaving      
behind my      
futile desires    
for some hot      
ex navy      
montana man      
hard cruise      
rough house      
muscle tease    
so cooly playing      
pool here    
all by himself      
alone    
to go staggering      
off down      
30th street      
alone myself      
as well    
frustrated by      
my twisted need    
off into another      
dark night      
i go yet      
once again    
hoping to      
find and feed    
my insatiable   
deep hunger    
for some extra      
sweaty
skin to skin
primal man
sin      
somewhere      
with someone      
preferably
with some      
complete
total  stranger
equally hot  horny
and hungry
as i am
but
namelessly
wordless
again    
     
lost in the      
wilderness      
of my vast      
appetite    
for such      
spontaneous      
overindulgences    
my underwater      
like stumbling    
soon brings me      
to my knees    
in yet another      
desperate      
unspoken    
more primal  
unholy  
hedonistic form  
of deeply immersive  
mutually heated  
oral worshiping  
as a quick  
easy  temporary way  
to at least  
momentarily forget  
all these recurrent  
wearisome cycles  
of perpetual      
remembering    
how my self      
degradation    
always seems      
to go  
always seems  
to literally  
stoop  
to such      
low extremes    
     
now back out  
on the streets    
even more      
confused  
than i was  
before  
dragging my      
way slowly      
back home    
drunk and blue      
alone  again    
a distant      
traffic light  
up ahead  
reflectively beams  
its sudden  
bright  
deep rush  
of startlingly  
illumined red  
towards me      
down upon  
the wet  empty      
road ahead    
spreading its      
snake like streams    
of transitionally shifting  
colorful lights    
from green  
to yellow      
to red    
in stretched out      
fluid slurs      
slithering hypnotically      
towards me    
down along      
the rain drenched  
slick wet  
sidewalk pavement    
and this hauntingly      
empty road      
before me      
as i stumble  
my way  
staggeringly along  
further on out  
into this slippery      
hollow night      
     
with my senses      
numbed out    
even more      
than they were      
earlier tonight      
back at that bar    
with my mind      
as much      
ablur here now    
as these colorful      
street lights slurs    
into which      
i walk      
and stagger upon    
along this rain      
slick  empty road    
as i slowly make      
my way      
back home    
ever closer to      
the ever growing  
increasing probability    
of my own  
premature  
sooner than later  
illogical grave    
though equally inevitable  
for us all  
in my present  
vain  futile search      
of and for  
some safer    
though still uncertain    
alternative level  
of hopefully  
sooner than later     
much greater    
everlasting relief    
yet with no      
guarantees    
at all    
away from all      
of this  
my present  
redundantly intolerable      
dull  stale  
escapist routine    
     
but not to      
worry folks    
no suicidal      
ideation      
goin on here    
tonight    
in all these      
wandering      
albeit    
somewhat      
dark and    
drunken      
stumbling      
thoughts    
and words    
just an      
impulsively      
playful way      
to while away      
my time    
with a little      
spontaneous    
free flow      
wondering    
of my  
rain soaked  
tipsy imagination    
as i slowly      
stagger    
my way along    
back home    
across this      
drunken    
wet street night    
all alone  
as usual  
once more  
yet again  
so nonetheless  
i continue  
to slowly wind  
and stagger  
my wobbly  
drunken way along  
back home
 
but  
back home  
to and for  
what  
perhaps  
only for  
nothing more  
than to possibly  
only continue  
to futiley await      
for what      
tomorrow may  
still most likely  
bring  
but hopefully not  
perhaps just another      
redundant day  
of little more    
than more  
and more  
of that old      
familiar    
near insufferably  
intolerable      
same old  
same ol  
old  dull  stale  
routine  
again