Have you.

Have you ever felt so utterly and completly alone that all you feel is nothing? You gotten so use to the feeling of being emotionally alone that the loneliness becomes your friend. That all the hurt you feel is your only comfort, and your face becomes numb from all the tears that you've been crying and you cant stop your body from shaking. Thats every night for me. KiNG doesnt want to admit it, but she's hurting too. I didnt realize how much i've been putting this off. KiNG wouldnt like this, she doesnt like it when im broken and cry. The werid thing is i felt nothing. When they yelled,screamed,and threatned me. I didnt feel anything until i realized tears were coming out. Ughhh wheres (A] at? Oh yea... He's gone. He didnt even say bye. Now all i have are memories. He was always shy talking to me and when he was around me he was always nervous,  even when we werent together he didnt let any other guy talk to me. I wish he was here, he always helps me out with this type of stuff. Can i just wake up? I wish i could say how i feel, but i dont know how i feel, i just simply feel nothing. I know im sad, possibly mad, maybe not. But this feeling has become fimilar has my own heartbeat. I fear it will never fade. I dont want to talk about this anymore, writing seems to be the answer to get my thoughts out. Its werid, i do but dont want this feeling(if you can even call it that) to go away. KiNG wants it to go away, she feels its dragging her down. But shes stronger than I and can handle it far better than me. But this feeling is natural to me because unlike her Im alone emotionally. But she wants me to try to trust people again and start letting them in. Which is gonna be impossible, but i promised i would at least try. Look at me, sitting on my bed writing some long ass page that probably nobody will understand nor read. I simply dont know what to do any longer. But ummmm,  i really dont want to talk about this anymore, i dont want to dwell on this either.
- Christine Marie