Thoughts5

I feel like crying
I want to
I have a lump in my throat
But I can't

I don't know why I feel like crying
I just do

It's been over a year since I cried
I remember it well
It had been so long before that
I had smoked weed for the first time
Smoked way too much
Had a bad trip
And broke down

It felt amazing
I needed it

I'm not sad
Today, so far, has been an alright day
I just want to cry
I just want a little sign that I'm still human
Something that will tell me I'm okay

Maybe while I cry, I can find something to cry about
I'm sure there's plenty

Maybe I'm just tired
I'm only 20 but I feel like my life is supposed to be so much more

Boo hoo

Sitting in the basement
Stone walls
Dirty carpet
The muffled conversation of the neighbors

Maybe this is the physical manifestation of my sub conscience
And I'm trapped inside
Right where I belong

I wonder if as people read these journal entries
Are they witnessing a man's sanity collapsing before them?
Am I going crazy?

I kind of hope so

It would make my life a bit more interesting